Posted by: lylescott89 | August 17, 2017

Sir Griffin Looks at the Fall TV Schedule: NBC

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Hey kids,

I have to say that I am not really impressed by the fall TV schedule at all.  Our last gasp will be NBC and Sir Griffin will be here momentarily to share everything about it.  In the meantime I will talk about what a freaking piece of garbage Drumpf is, how much I despise him and his supporters and how there is no such thing as a “good Nazi”.  I’m just truly disgusted each and every day that we allow this nonsense to continue.  Will congress do nothing to get rid of this ass clown?  How about impeachment and removal from office people?  How about the 25th amendment?  The guy is insane, unstable and a threat to this country as well as all the others.  Disgusting.  Oh, here is Sir Griffin.  Take it away and please, swear as much as you’d like.

Thank you once again for the chance to share my thoughts on the new season.  Things are not looking all that promising thus far.  Will NBC be the great redeemer?  Um…no.

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However, before I start discussing the bad shows upcoming on NBC I am thrilled beyond belief for the return of Will & Grace.  That was one of my all-time favorite shows and I am so happy it is back.  Please do not disappoint me Will, Grace, Jack or Karen.

The Brave (Premieres 9/25/17) – Wonderful.  Another BS “rah, rah, America” show. Why? Is the US really that superficial?  Okay probably, but this show is not the answer to your problems.  This piece of crap is described as ” a heart-pounding journey into the complex world of America’s elite undercover military heroes”.  I watched several trailers and all I could do was roll my eyes and cringe.  It stars Mike Vogel and Anne Heche if you care.  I sure as hell don’t.  Odds of me watching?  About the same as me buying an “I love Drumpf” t-shirt.

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***Excuse me Sir Griffin.  The Brave photo you have added is of Merida, not the TV show.  Why is that exactly?***

To answer your question it is simply because the TV show sucks and that was a great movie.  When I think of Brave, I automatically think of Merida.  Or the Atlanta Braves.

Law & Order True Crime (Premieres 9/26/17) – This is an anthology series that will dramatize real life crimes, much like some other network (don’t ask me which one I don’t remember) did with OJ last year.  First up: The Menendez brothers.  Again you millennials will probably need to Google this as it was before your time.  Holy fuck when did I get so old that I am able to use the phrase “before your time”?  Anyway they murdered their parents, went to prison, yada, yada, yada.  To be honest I paid very little attention to the whole thing when it was happening and frankly I don’t really care to see it dramatized.  Fun trivia: Lyle Menendez is in the same prison as Charles “Tex” Watson. Oh crap, more stuff for millennials to Google.  Chances of me watching?  About the same as me changing my last name to Menendez.

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And next we have…that’s it?  That’s all that is coming up this fall?  Oh my gosh this has got to be the shittiest fall TV season I have ever seen.  NBC does have a boatload of mid-season and replacement shows ready so I am guessing we will be seeing those sooner as opposed to later.  However, with names like The Awesome Show, Genius Junior and Ellen’s Game of Games I would not get too excited.  Thanks again for allowing me to share with you my thoughts on the fall season.  Enjoy it as best as you can.  Oh, and watch Atypical on Netflix.  It’s great.  Friends from College is very funny. Watch that too.

Thank you Sir Griffin.  And until next time, Fuck You Drumpf!

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | August 16, 2017

Sir Griffin Looks at the Fall TV Schedule: Fox

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Hey kids,

If it wasn’t crystal clear before, it absolutely, without question, is abundantly clear now. We have a white sepremacist in the Oval Office.  A Nazi sympathizer.  A racist that is under the belief that there is such a thing as a nice Nazi. I am beyond disgusted by that monster and he must be impeached immediately.  Again, if you support him or think what he said yesterday is alright you can go set a place at the Nazi table for yourself because you are no better than they are.

However that is not why we are here today.  We are here to give Sir Griffin another look at the fall TV schedule.  Today Sir Griffin will be gibing us his thoughts on the new offerings from Fox.  Today’s tidbit: The Simpsons has been airing on Fox since 1989 and I have yet to see a single episode.  Take it away Sir Griffin!

Thank you once again for having me as a part of your amazing blog.  Before I begin I must share the following tweet from Rav Danya Ruttenberg:

I have to agree with that sentiment 100%.  Seriously, wasn’t there once an entire war that included defeating the Nazis?  Doesn’t Indiana Jones hate Nazis?  This country’s leadership is sickening.  Moving on…

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Ghosted (Premieres 10/1/17) – This is one of those shows that make you say “oh dear god how in the world did this get the green light?”  As I was watching the trailer I got bored. My mind was wandering when I was supposed to be laughing.  This alleged comedy is about two dimwits (Craig Robinson and Adam Scott, both of whom I really like) who are recruited to investigate unexplained paranormal events in Los Angeles.  Somewhere in all this mess is the lovely Amber Stevens West.  Why?  I have no idea, but I know she is much better than this crap.  This thing is buried on Sunday nights so hopefully it will have a quick and painless death.  Odds of me watching?  Nearly identical to me opening up my own paranormal detective agency.

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The Gifted (Premieres 10/2/17) – From Marvel comes this X-Men story line, albeit separate from the movies.  With the exception of the first X-Men film which I really did not like, I am a big fan of the series.  But do I really want to see young mutants fighting for their place in society for a 10 week series?  Of course I do.  This show stars Amy Acker, whom I have been infatuated with since her turn as Fred on Angel in the early 2000’s, and Stephen Moyer as ordinary parents of mutant children.  It also stars another fan favorite (me being the fan) Natalie Alyn Lind who played Silver St. Cloud on Gotham. The trailer was exciting, the special effects were impressive and I like the fact that it is a limited run series.  You throw all of that together with the hope of seeing Professor X (highly doubtful, but one can hope) and you have the makings of a hit show.  Odds of me watching this one?  You know it’s 100%.

The Orville (Premieres 9/10/17) – My eyes, oh my eyes.  And my ears too.  Oh my gosh what is happening here?  I might as well tell you that this is a sci-fi comedy drama set 400 years in the future.  It stars Seth MacFarlane and Adrianne Palicki as the captain and first officer of the USS Orville as it explores space.  Throw in the twist that these two are also divorced from each other and you have comedy gold aluminum.   Okay so it looks like sort of a rip off of Galaxy Quest mixed with the intelligence of Family Guy.  In other words, it looks awful.  The trailer offered but one, brief chuckle (if you can call it that) followed by me looking for something better to do.  It appears I will much more time for my Netflix shows this fall.  Odds of me watching this…show?  About the same as me giving up bacon.

Love-BoatThere are mid-season shows of course including 911, a show about first responders, a medical show (yuck) called The Resident and something called LA to Vegas about a flight crew and their passengers as they travel from LA to Vegas every week.  Is that supposed to be like The Love Boat?  Damn it!  Millennials, please go Google that.  And tell Gopher he’s needed on the Lido Deck.  Most people don’t know about the pilot I wrote for CBS called Sheboygan Falls to Sheboygan.  It was about a guy and his daily commute from Sheboygan Falls to Sheboygan.  Each week hilarity would ensue when he tried to get to work.  They did not pick it up.  Thus I get the chance to write for you kids.  You’re welcome.

Thank you Sir Griffin.  We have once again been thoroughly enthralled by you and your thoughts on the upcoming season.  We are almost done with our fall preview with just one final network to go.  Will there be something, anything of interest on NBC?  I highly doubt it, but stay tuned anyway.

Namaste

 

Posted by: lylescott89 | August 15, 2017

Sir Griffin Looks at the Fall TV Schedule: The CW

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Hey kids,

I recently was reminded of what an intelligent child I have.  I realize that most parents think their kids are smart, but I now have proof that mine really is.  I asked him a question last night.  I told him to imagine he was trapped in a room with three of the most vile people in history; Hitler, bin Laden & Drumpf.  I explained that he had a weapon with only two bullets and asked him what he would do.  Without hesitation he said “that’s easy daddy, I’d shoot Drumpf twice”.  Love that kid.

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So I have invited Sir Griffin back for another round of looking at the fall TV schedule. Today we do not have a lot of time so I told him we’d be looking at The CW, better known as the network that most people don’t even realize is still on the air.  That’s not really fair since they have two wonderful shows, Riverdale and iZombie, but will they add more quality or just crap?  For the answer I now give you the amazing Sir Griffin.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  What a pleasure to be back for a look at the CW.  Today will be a little brief as there are a mere two new shows premiering this fall.  Are they good?  Let’s take a look.

Valor (Premieres 10/9/17) – Oh goody.  Another “rah, rah America” show.  Ugh.  Do we really need this?  Are people so into nationalism that they have to be reminded by TV shows that they live in America?  It makes me think of people that put giant American flags on the back of their trucks.  As if we don’t already know which country you live in. Needless to say this show looks like the biggest pile of shit we’ll see this fall.

***Damn it Sir Griffin!***

Oh, right.  Anyway it is a story about some army commanding officer ludicrously named Leland Gallo and his co-pilot Officer Nora Madani, who is described as “an intense and driven junior army pilot”.  My next question when I read this was “the army has planes? I thought only air force had planes. I mean, it’s right there in there title; air force.”  Who knew?  Regardless of that this looks like your standard crap that will soon be canceled. Chances of me watching this drivel?  Really?  You don’t already know?

DYNASTY - Season 2 CastDynasty (Premieres 10/11/17) – Okay, who the hell out there was clamoring for a remake of friggin’ Dynasty?  (Is that better?)  I will tell you who…no one.  I guess I need to explain what this is in case any millennials read this blog.  This show is based on the show of the same title which ran on ABC from 1981 – 1989.  It was a nighttime soap opera that revolved around the Carrrington and Colby families and was essentially ABC’s response to the popularity of Dallas on CBS.  Everyone had issues, there were many affairs, stupid children and fights.  This is the same old crap, just recycled for a new generation of people that like to watch bitchy people on TV.  I can say that I never saw a single episode of the original and there is no way in hell that I am watching a single episode of this remake.   Thus the chances of me watching are about the same as me getting in a time machine made from a DeLorean and trying New Coke again to see if it was as bad as I remember instead of making sure Drumpf was never born.  Damn it, now I have to explain New Coke to millennials.  Just Google it.

***Excuse me Sir Griffin, but the photo you have used is from the original Dynasty***

Yes, that is correct.  Does it really matter?  And look at the 80’s hair.  I love it!

And that’s all kids.  A lousy (and I do mean lousy) two new shows on the CW.  They do have two mid-season shows on the radar; Black Lightning and Life Sentence, but they don’t look all that promising either.  It looks as though I’ll be sticking with Riverdale and iZombie as the only CW shows I watch.  Until next time, I’m Sir Griffin.

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Why thank you Sir Griffin.  We truly appreciate you keeping the foul language to a minimum, although we have been getting a lot of viewer mail telling us that they loved your foul mouth.  We have also gotten several letters asking for an iZombie photo. You’re welcome.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | August 14, 2017

Silent No More

I stand firmly AGAINST the white supremacists and racists and their ilk. There is NO place in America for this sort of ignorance. If you write back to defend these Neanderthals, I am not your friend. If you support the cause of these racists, unfriend me immediately—I am not your friend. Are we clear on this? – Kevin McQuade

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Hey kids,

The above quote is from a Facebook post from one of my former college professors.  It is exactly what I wanted to say, but he said it first and much more eloquently than I would have so I included it here and have given him the proper credit.  I am giving Sir Griffin the day off, although his foul language would be most appreciated and accepted on this day.

I have stayed silent for way too long.  Anyone who knows me already knows that I am a proud liberal, a pacifist and a feminist.  I stand for equality for all and Saturday hit me quite hard.  Let me share the story before I berate you assholes that caused this.  And by “assholes who caused this” I mean (and I will not back down or apologize for this) all of you dumbfucks (Sir Griffin wrote that) that voted for and/or continue to support the white supremacist in chief, aka Herr Drumpf.

blues-brothers-quotes-the-blues-brothersI awoke on Saturday completely oblivious to what was going on.  The only TV viewing I did was my normal Sportscenter.  I received a text from my aunt asking if I had seen what was happening in Virginia.  I said no and she replied that there were demonstrations in Charlottesville.  Again, I thought little of it at the time because despite me vehemently disagreeing with Nazis (or as we call them in America, republicans) I know that they have the right to march and protest just like everyone else.  In my mind I was picturing the scene from The Blues Brothers in which the Illinois Nazis were marching whilst getting yelled at, and ultimately forced to jump off a bridge, by protesters.  As Jake (John Belushi) said “I hate Illinois Nazis”.  This is what I thought was going on in Charlottesville.  When I saw what was really happening I just could not believe it.  It was truly disgusting.

Many of the white folks doing Nazi salutes & shouting anti-Semitic slurs in Charlottesville claim to follow a Jewish Rabbi named Jesus. How? – John Pavlovitz

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There has not been a day since last November that I have not been embarrassed and ashamed of Drumpf and his followers.  I have not woken up once felling good about my country.  I remain ashamed and embarrassed of the good old USA.  It is not great and Saturday proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I don’t need to go into all of the details because by now you know them all.  Briefly, a bunch a white supremacists marched on Charlottesville chanting racial  and anti-Semitic slurs.  There was violence, injuries and murder.  It was the exact opposite of what makes America great.  They carried torches and it looked like an old film from Nazi Germany. Take note that these are the same people that bitch and moan about a black man exercising his first amendment rights by protesting silently and peacefully, yet that when they violently protest they think it is acceptable. Violence is never acceptable.

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You cannot tell me that this is not a direct consequence of the actions of Drumpf.  These people made no secret that they were Drumpf supporters and if you cannot see that then you are blind to all the facts.  White nationalist and piece of shit David Duke was interviewed at the event and said “We are determined to take our country back…we’re going to fulfill the promises of Drumpf…that’s what we believed in and that’s what we voted for”.

First of all this is not your country.  I don’t thing Duke is a Native American so STFU asshole.  Second, if it was not clear to you last year that Drumpf was a racist it should be absolutely 100% clear to you now.  This is his base.  These are the assholes that voted for him.  Maybe you do not consider yourself a racist, but if you voted for him you definitely showed the world that you are okay with racism.  You, whoever you may be, sicken me. That Drumpf sticker on your car tells me all I need to know about you.

And what about Drumpf himself?  This was the perfect opportunity to disavow himself from these maniacal assholes.  Did he do that?  What do you think?

Nazis are a lot like cats.  If they like you, it’s probably because you are feeding them – John Oliver

Nope, that slimeball, asshole, piece of shit fuckwad did not do that.  Instead he said some BS propaganda that tried to sound like he was against what happened, but then added it was “bigotry and violence on many sides”.  NO IT WAS NOT YOU USELESS & LAZY SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!  It was a white nationalist rally.  A rally of the klan.  People carrying flags with swastikas and confederate flags.   These are the people 62 million of you deplorable ass hats voted for.  Drumpf himself just told police that police brutality was acceptable.  He told people at his rallies to “beat the crap out of them” and he would pay the legal fees.  This pathetic excuse for a man has no morals and has incited violence hundreds of times.  Should we really be surprised that his followers are now rising up to act like him?  To create the violence he has proposed?

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Without a doubt these people are domestic terrorists.  No wall would have kept them out. No Muslim ban could have prevented this.  Is Drumpf going to ban all racist white guys? Of course not.  (I realize that today he came out and said racism is bad, but he sounded completely unbelievable as he read his scripted response and well, too little too late. Any human with an ounce of compassion would have denounced Nazis immediately not two days later. Go to hell you pompous ass)

Look, I despise Drumpf with every fiber of my being and right now I despise all 62 million of you morons that cast your vote for hatred, bigotry and racism.  I think you are all stupid.  I don’t care if you are my oldest friend.  I don’t care if you are member of my family.  I don’t care who you are, but please know that I have no respect for you and I want nothing to do with you.  I just cannot look at you the same way ever again.  You are as guilty as Drumpf.  You made this happen.  You could have prevented it, but your inability to vote for a woman or your inability to get actual facts before casting a vote or your inability to see that man who made fun of a disabled reporter was unfit for any public office made you guilty as hell.  Do I care if you hate me now?  No.  Do I care if my Facebook friends list drops to zero?  No.  If I didn’t care about this country I would not be making such a fuss, but I cannot deal with you, whomever you may be.

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Yes, I am angry.  My country has been taken over by bigots, fools and racists.  Any day now Drumpf could obliterate millions of innocent people.  That’s on you.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | August 11, 2017

Sir Griffin Looks at the Fall TV Schedule: CBS

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Hey kids,

Your old pal and mine, Sir Griffin Stromboli, is back with an exclusive look at the new shows from CBS.  Sir Griffin and I had a long conversation last night about keeping his language clean so let’s hope he has settled down a bit.  I know the whole Drumpf thing pisses him off to no end just as it does me and every sane human in the world, but we are not here to discuss that maniac.  Let’s just hope he does not blow up the world so we can actually sit down and enjoy some of these shows with our family.  So without further delay I present you (without foul language) Sir Griffin Stromboli.

(Insert applause, laughter and general merriment here)

Greetings kids!  I am thrilled to be here again to tel you about the CBS fall programming. It was clear that the executives at ABC had no idea what they were doing, but how did CBS fare?  Let’s take a look.

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Wisdom of the Crowd (Premieres 10/1/17) – Here we have a show starring the always incredibly average Jeremy Piven as Jeffrey and a woman I absolutely cannot stand. Monica Potter as Alex.  There are also some other people in the cast that I really have no interest in mentioning.  Essentially the show is about Jeffrey creating a social network to solve crimes.  Apparently his own daughter’s murder has gone unsolved so he figures that the same people that post cat videos can help capture bad guys.  Okay, who came up with this shit?

***Please Sir Griffin, we talked about this.  Sorry kids***

My bad!  I will take the blame.  Sometimes bad TV starring people I don’t like drives me crazy.  Anyway I suppose that this will lead to all sorts of arrests and make the entire police force irrelevant.  Hey, maybe we can throw in a superhero cat that can not only make amazing videos, but can also swoop in to catch the killers.  Odds of me watching this? About the same as me making another attempt to ski.

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9JKL (Premieres 10/2/17) – This alleged sitcom may have the absolute worst title of any show this fall.  Let me see if I can explain this without any foul language.  After watching the seemingly never ending pilot I can tell you that this will not be easy.  Okay, here goes. The show stars Mark Feuerstein as a guy that moves into apartment 9K, which happens to be sandwiched between his parents (Linda Lavin & Elliot Gould) in 9J and his brother, sister in law and newborn baby in 9L.  Oy vey!  The show is loosely based on the life of Mark and his wife, Dana Klein.  As I sat there witnessing the pilot I begged for something, anything to make me laugh.  I would have taken a giggle, perhaps a chuckle, but no.  I was treated to parents that could not leave their child alone for a second and a nitwit that moved in next door to his parents!   I found myself yelling “make it stop”.  Odds of me watching this heap of garbage?  About the same as me attending a Neil Diamond concert.

Did you notice I made it through without swearing?  Thank you.  (Hey, if I put things in parentheses do you think he’ll notice me swearing?  Let’s try it and see.  Drumpf’s approval rating is at 32%.  How the fuck is it that high?  His supporters must have a collective brain the size of a walnut)

***Okay, I have had about enough of this Sir Griffin.  I can see things in parentheses you know.  This is your final warning.***

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

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Me, Myself & I (Premieres 9/25/17) SNL’s Bobby Moynihan stars as Alex Riley. Meanwhile John Larroquette stars as the older Alex Riley while at the same time Jack Dylan Grazer stars as young Alex Riley.  Essentially it’s the life of Riley.  Young Alex as he moves to LA in 1991, middle aged Alex in present day as he deals with the end of his marriage and older Alex in the year 2042.  I don’t know if I should admit this or not, but I loved the pilot.  I liked the characters, I liked to story telling and I liked seeing Alex at three stages of life.  It was funny and looked to me like something a little more unique and different than the standard “I live next door to my parents” routine.  I’ll be watching this one for sure.

Seal Team (Premieres 9/27/17) – Let’s guess what this is about.  I’ll give you three choices:

  1. A group of Harbor seal pups witness a horrific event and decide that they need to team up to fight crime.
  2. This drama explores the lives of four women that work together sealing envelopes at Valpak.  Love, deception and envelope glue bond these ladies.
  3. America!  Fuck Yeah!

***I was going to berate Sir Griffin here, but that made me laugh.  Please continue***

Before you start send cards and letters I already know that Seal should be in all caps, but I didn’t want to do that so there.  In any case the answer is number three as this show chronicles an elite unit of really macho dudes as they shove the American flag down your throat and then blow shit up.

***Okay, I’ll let that one slide too.  However Sir Griffin, please remember that you are now on Double Secret Probation***

Look, there is an audience for this sort of drivel, but it is definitely not me.  I have never understood the whole nationalism phenomenon, even for my native UK.  I don’t get all the flag waving and the thought that any one country is more blessed by an omnipotent being than any other.  It’s just not something that I think about.  Odds of me watching this show that stars David Boreanaz (who will forever be Angel to me) 0.00000000000

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Young Sheldon (Premieres 11/2/17) – This show is getting a lot of hate and negative feedback from the internet trolls and I have no idea why.  I love The Big Bang Theory. I’ve seen every episode multiple times and I just cannot get enough of it.  This is obviously the story of Sheldon Cooper growing up in Texas with his, presumably, wacky family.  I have not seen the pilot in full, however I have absolutely loved what I have seen thus far. It’s funny, it’s sweet and it is everything you want in a comedy.  I think it was a stroke of brilliance to get Zoe Perry to play Sheldon’s mother as Zoe’s real mother, Laurie Metcalf, plays Sheldon’s mother on TBBT.  Add in the wonderful Annie Potts as Sheldon’s beloved Meemaw and you have a winner.  I don’t care what the trolls say about anything.  Screw you trolls!  Odds of me watching?  100% (FYI: this show has a special preview episode airing on 9/25/17)

SWAT – (Premieres 11/2/17) – Again, before you start bitching at me for not including the periods please know that I write MASH without the little asterisks and the same goes for Agents of Shield.  Those of us who grew up in the 70’s have memories of a show with the same name.  Gritty cop dramas were all the rage back then and apparently someone demanded that this one be revived.  My fondest memory of that show was the theme song.  That was awesome.,  We even played it in band.  I digress.  For you millennials out there the show is about an elite squad of…oh dear god who cares?  I didn’t like the show in the 70’s, I didn’t like the movie they made from the show in 2003 and I am probably not going to like this one either.  Let me break it down as simply as possible; police, Los Angeles, crime, bad guys lose, good guys win.  Oh and throw in some tearjerker moments as that is always a possibility with a kid getting shot.  Odds of me watching?  About the same as me becoming an envelope licker at Valpak.

Now I had to debate whether or not to include Star Trek: Discovery on this list. The show will premiere on CBS on 9/24/17, however after that all subsequent episodes will be available on CBS All Access.  This is, more than likely, the show I am most excited about for this fall.  But seeing that it will only be available on a streaming service and one must pay for the right to see it I will not include it.  Brilliant move by the greedy bastards at CBS, but will it work?  They are not releasing all the episodes for streaming at the same time, but rather on a weekly basis so binging it is kind of out of the question.  Although, could one get CBS All Access in December after the first half of the season has streamed and then binge?  I can’t answer that question.  It certainly makes sense, but we all know how greed works.

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So that is the CBS fall schedule.  Please also note that the comedy By the Book was not featured as it has no set premiere date.

Thank you Sir Griffin for your always amazing insights.  I am going to give Sir Griffin a day or two to consider his foul language and whether or not it is appropriate.  Based on the letters we have received thus far, my readers want an increase in foul language.  I’ll see what I can do.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | August 9, 2017

Sir Griffin Looks at the Fall TV Schedule: ABC

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Hey kids,

Sir Griffin has joined us with a look at the fall TV season.  It is a pleasure to have him and his intelligent and wise opinions here.  However, before we get to him a little house cleaning.  I had said previously that I was no longer allowing this blog to post on Facebook.  I have reversed that for a couple of reasons.

  1. I have essentially emancipated myself from Facebook and I am a happier person for it.  I do not go on there because it is filled with stupidity and negativity.  I don’t care about any of that.  So if you see my posts and you feel the need to comment, click like, dislike or post a picture of an eggplant go right ahead.  I’m not going to see it.
  2. This blog has nothing to do with Herr Drumpf, his giant pumpkin head, his incredible laziness, his ignorance, his incessant lies or his asinine followers.  Thus I will not be writing about how much I despise him, how he’s an orange man baby or how anyone that voted for or supports him in any way shape or form is a fricking idiot that I have exactly zero respect for and I do not want in my life. (Please note that I would have said fucking idiot, but I have been asked to keep the foul language to a minimum)

So with that in mind I hand things over to the great, the powerful, the amazing Sir Griffin Stromboli.  (Insert uproarious applause here)

Greetings my friends.  I am Sir Griffin Stromboli and I am here to take my annual look at the fall TV schedule.  We start with ABC for no reason except that it is first alphabetically. Please keep in mind that my focus will only be shows premiering in the fall.  Mid-season shows have no bearing right now.  And here we go…

Ten Days in the Valley – (Premieres 10/1/17) – Kyra Sedgewick stars as a TV producer whose life turns upside down when her daughter goes missing in the middle of the night. Yawn.  I am pretty sure we have seen this before about 100 times.  About 10 years ago there was a show called Kidnapped that starred Timothy Hutton and it sounds pretty similar.  Of course there is now a movie in theatres called Kidnap starring Halle Berry. Anyway it looks as though this show also has a bit of a soap opera feel since the trailer shows Kyra’s ex-husband hooking up with Kyra’s best friend or something lame like that. In any case this show, despite having a great cast, looks like crap to me.  Odds of me watching?  About the same as me visiting the ER with a pogo stick injury.

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The Good Doctor – (Premieres 9/25/17) – Freddie Highmore stars as an autistic pediatric surgeon.  He is incredibly talented and can save the lives that no one else can.  Kind of sounds like House minus the asshole.  Naturally he has the one guy that defends his abilities above all others and the requisite mean people that don’t think an autistic person should be performing surgery. I do believe I have mentioned in the past how much I dislike medical dramas, yes?  Oh good then you instantly know where I stand on this one. Odds of me watching?  About the same as Jessica Alba coming to my house and saying “take me, I’m all yours”.

The Mayor – (Premieres 10/3/17) – This is an alleged comedy about a young rapper (are their old rappers?) who decides he can promote his music by running for mayor.  But lo and behold he wins!  Okay I am sorry I have to state the obvious, however if I want to watch a show (albeit a tragedy of epic proportions as opposed to a comedy) about an idiot who is incompetent, totally out of his league and a complete failure at his job I’ll watch the news.  Or maybe I can just go on twitter and see what that fuckwad has done to destroy a country.

***Sorry, but I must interrupt you Sir Griffin as you have gone off on a tangent and have used foul language.  Please try and keep things clean.  And now back to you***

My apologies.  Anyway The Mayor has a couple of people in the cast I really like; Lea Michelle (I wonder if anyone has ever mentioned to her that she has two first names) and Yvette Nicole Brown.  That said I still cannot imagine that this train wreck will succeed.  Chances of me watching?  About the same as me being Canonized.

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Kevin (Probably) Save the World – (Premieres 10/3/17) – I have to admit I am a little confused by this one.  When I first saw the pilot this was called The Gospel of Kevin and starred Cristela Alonzo as Yvette, Kevin’s (Jason Ritter) guardian angel. Now Cristela is gone (she is wonderful so I have no idea why) and her character is now being played by Kimberly Hebert Gregory; a woman I had to Google and still have no idea who she is.  In any case I hope she is as brilliant as Cristela was in the pilot. The show is about this guy named Kevin that never thinks of anyone but himself.  He moves back in with his twin sister (Joanna Garcia Swisher, an actress I adore and watched on a really stupid show called Animal Practice, but she would have been much more entertaining if she had just read the phone book instead of being on that piece of crap) and then discovers a meteor or something containing the celestial being known as Yvette.  She gives him a mission to save the world.  Although this story line is again a retread of many other shows and movies, the cast is wonderful and by golly it was just plain fun to watch. I am planning on giving this one a try.  So for those keeping count this is the first show I have discussed that I am interested in watching.

inumans

Inhumans – (Premieres 9/29/17) – This is the story of the current republican members of congress aka the guys that don’t give a shit about you, but for some reason you keep voting for them.

***I’m sorry to interrupt again, but Sir Griffin you must keep your language under control or I will not let you do the CBS shows later this week.  Besides, that is not what that show is about.***

Again, I must apologize as I was once more given some fake news.  Actually this is a spin off (of sorts) from Agents of Shield.  Now I will tell you that I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  I also loved the TV show Jessica Jones and I liked Daredevil too.  I even watched Agents of Shield for a while until I got bored.  I started hating the characters and I really was annoyed at how everyone seemed to have super powers all of a sudden.  In reality I have grown tired of the super hero genre on TV.  I am even thinking of giving up on Supergirl after last years lackluster season.  And I just realized that I have not even told you what this show is about.  It revolves around the Royal Inhuman Family led by Black Bolt.  His power?  Well he can cause destruction with his own voice.  Kind of like a certain asshole that recently threatened to destroy North Korea I suppose.  Really, how is this different from X-Men?  They are both Marvel properties so why do they need two things that are essentially the same?  Let’s face it, I am not going to watch this so no need to give you odds.  But I will anyway.  Chances of me watching?  About the same as me becoming this year’s NFL MVP.

I’d like to tell you about Deception, however no premiere date has been set so thus it does not qualify as a fall TV premiere.  In any case it looks a lot like Castle, but with a magician as opposed to a writer.

So there you have it; the ABC fall schedule with a mere one show worth watching. Thanks to my great friend Lyle for allowing me this opportunity to share my thoughts. I’ll be back soon with a look at the shows from CBS.

And thank you Sir Griffin.  Your TV insights are always thought provoking and somewhat amusing.  Thanks for reading kids.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | April 19, 2017

Red Car, Yellow Car, Blue Car; You call that a Car Show?

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Hey kids,

A very happy #BaconWednesday to you all.  Last week I was so happy with the Smithfield Original bacon that I again had that this week.  It was delicious, as expected.  Just a couple of things today so I’ll get right to them.

Last week I heard that the Miami Marlins had commissioned a nine foot tall statue of pitcher Jose Fernandez.  For those who do not know Fernandez was killed last September in a boating accident.  His death was tragic; make mo mistake about that. He was a young pitcher that had a great start to his career with a promising future. He also had a baby on the way.  It is rightful to mourn his death.  A life taken too soon. However, the circumstances around his death make the idea of a statue quite disturbing.

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Fernandez had a career record of 38-17 with a 2.89 ERA and was a beloved pitcher in Miami.  It looked as though he had the world at his feet and an enormous future in the game of baseball and life.  But one night he and two friends decided to go out on their boat.  It was the middle of the night.  The boat crashed into some rocks and all three aboard were killed.  The final accident report showed that Fernandez was driving the boat at a speed in excess of 65 MPH.  In addition the blood alcohol level of Fernandez was almost twice the legal limit and there was cocaine in his system.  According to the Florida Fish & Wildlife Conservation Commission:

“Fernandez operated (the boat) with his normal faculties impaired, in a reckless manner, at an extremely high rate, in the darkness of night, in an area with known navigational hazards such as rock jetties and channel markers,”

sfl-fl0041764232-20160925Had he survived, his actions would have resulted in boating under the influence-manslaughter, vessel homicide and five other charges.

How does this person warrant a statue?  I don’t understand it.  The families of the passengers on the boat have both filed lawsuits against Fernandez’s estate.  I wonder what they think of a statue honoring the person whose recklessness led to their family member’s death?

And now for something a little less serious.  At the nearby McDonald’s they have signs advertising a “Car Show” every Saturday night.  I am not the kind of person that would go to a car show nor do I have any interest in cars whatsoever.  If I want to see cars I’ll set up a chair by the highway and watch them go by.

Anyway I have driven past this McDonald’s every Saturday for the past several weeks and each week I see the exact same thing.  A red car, a blue car and a yellow car.  They are all shiny and they all have their hoods up.  Why they have the hoods up I have no idea.  Why not open the trunk too?  I could not tell you what kind of cars they are.  Sitting near these cars in lawn chairs are three old guys.  I can only assume that the old guys are the owners of the three cars.  They are sitting there chatting and smoking while the cars sit there, presumably, talking with each other as well.  There is no one looking at the cars. There is no one stopping to take a peek under the hood.   There are virtually no humans within 25 feet of the old guys or their cars.  So is this really a car show?

RonaldMcD

Recently I saw an episode of Man with a Plan (not a particularly good show) in which the two main characters had passes to a real car show at the same time their wives had tickets for Lord of the Dance.  The guys had to devise a lie so they could get out of the dance show (I would have preferred that) and go see the cars.  It worked, temporarily, and they got themselves to the car show.  They took a third friend and he said something like “we’re here, now what do we do?”  (I had the same reaction as I would have no clue what I’d do at a car show)  The response was a rather confused “well, we look at cars”.

So here’s to the three old guys that have devised a unique plan; a so-called “car show” so they could spend Saturday nights chatting with each other, smoking cigars and avoiding doing things with their spouses.  Good work guys!

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | April 11, 2017

Tomorrow’s Bacon Will be…

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Hey kids,

I am so excited for #BaconWednesday this week.  I know you are eagerly anticipating the announcement of this week’s bacon so I will not make you wait any longer.  I will be making Smithfield Hometown Original Bacon.  I have tried pretty much every variety of Smithfield so I know I really cannot go wrong, yet I am very excited about this one. Why you ask?  Well it has been a while since I went with Hometown Original.  A fun time will be had by all.  Well, except the pig.

smithfield-bacon

Just a few more things today.  First I want to help some people with their spelling and definitions.  A principle is defined as an accepted or professed rule of action or conduct: a person of good moral principles.  Now a principal is the head or director of a school.  When I was a child a teacher told me a very easy way to remember the difference.  “The principal is your pal” is what she told me and it has stuck.  Apparently this is a lost expression.  Consequently I have to remind people of this once in a while.  

MrWeatherbee 

With that in mind did anyone else see how Brian Williams pretty much had an orgasm on the air while he was watching missiles launch?  Seriously what is wrong with this guy?  Now I realize I am a pacifist and seeing missiles fly means nothing to me, but his reaction was as if he was watching and subsequently narrating a porn film.  I am not making this up.  

As most of you know my photography is progressing to the next level.  After photographing the Dapper Day events at Walt Disney World for the past several years I have now been contracted to do the same at Disneyland.  It will be my first trip to Disneyland since October of 2004 so I am immensely thrilled about this opportunity.  I’l be doing a lot of things while on the west coast and I hope my old man body can keep up

Knowing that I will be at Disneyland a full month before the Guardians of the Galaxy attraction is scheduled to open is decidedly upsetting to me.  Still, I am sure I will have fun.  Seriously how could I not have fun?  DSC_0402-Edit

Speaking of attractions a few weeks ago Adam and I were able to get a preview of the (now open to all) Jimmy Fallon attraction at Universal Studios.  I will keep my review short.  Adam and I had the exact same reaction: meh.  It was not that much fun, fairly stupid and kind of made me sick.  There is no reason to ever ride it again.  I still cannot figure out why pizza was flying at me in 3D or how we ended up on the moon.  Perhaps if I watched the Tonight Show I would have enjoyed it more, but I highly doubt that.  I just hope it does not ruin or destroy his brand.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | April 5, 2017

This Week in Bacon

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Hey kids,

It is time for This Week in Bacon.  This week’s bacon is Oscar Mayer Naturally Hardwood Smoked Thick Cut.  As with most bacon it is simply amazing.  As avid readers know I am open to all sorts of bacon with the exception of Publix brand.  That stuff is bacon in only the thinnest sense of the word.  So I stay away from that stuff, but anything else is fair game and worthy of a try.

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I also want to tell you how upset/annoyed I am by the change in my 6 PM Sportscenter.  I still love my Sportscenter AM as I work out at the gym.  For years I have watched Pardon the Interruption at 5:30 on ESPN followed by Sportscenter at 6:00 which, for a very long time, had been hosted by Lindsay Czarniak.  Late last year Lindsay went on maternity leave and I was looking forward to her return, but it never happened.  It may have had something to do with naming her child “Sibby”, but I cannot confirm that.  She is still with the network though as she recently covered the Special Olympics in Austria.

Lindsay

In any case ESPN announced that the new hosts of Sportscenter would be Jemele Hill and Michael Smith.  At first I was very excited because I really like both of them, though I get tired of Jemele’s “Rah, rah Michigan State” rants.  I want my ESPN sportscasters to be a tad bit more neutral.  That aside I think they are both great.  However the show sucks. Let me tell you why.

I was truly expecting the two of them to be Sportscenter co-hosts in the traditional sense. One would start with one story and then the other would follow with a different story. Perhaps there would be some brief, witty banter before commercials.  It’s what I want from the show; a recap of the days action followed by a preview of what is coming up that night and perhaps the upcoming weekend should there be some sort of big event. But no, what we got is a true mess.  They talk incessantly.  You get, perhaps, a highlight or two during the show.  This is not good.  Then they have the world’s worst and most obnoxious music blaring in the background.  Some athlete comes in and is interviewed and more often than not it is someone I do not care about in the least.  It’s enough to make me turn the channel and by golly it does.  I am begging you ESPN; keep the hosts and revamp this disastrous format.

In other bacon news I purchased some bacon jam at Trader Joe’s.  Tonight I will be making cheeseburgers covered in bacon jam.  I am very excited.

BACON-JAM

I am still in the process of becoming a minimalist.  I have gotten rid of a lot of junk and things that have been sitting in boxes for years.  I figured if I have not used it or even thought about it in the past five years I really don’t need it.

BTW, today’s bacon was awesome.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | March 30, 2017

Thursday’s Kibbles & Bits

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Hey kids,

Did everyone have a great #BaconWednesday?  I certainly hope so.  I get letters every week from people asking what kind of bacon I have each week.  So I’m starting a new segment called “This Week in Bacon”.   This week I had a delicious Hormel Black Label Original Bacon.  I really would like to see a bacon truck in the neighborhood.

I know you are wondering why I have named this entry after dog food and I will tell you.  This is one of those blogs in which I give random thoughts and I had just randomly thought of Kibbles and Bits so I am sure you can deal with it.  Let’s get started shall we?

Last night’s episode of Survivor was just epic.  I loved the way Debbie went crazy and essentially created her own reality.  I also like the way that she suddenly morphed into doing push ups and somehow declared that if she was voted out then all of her clothes would go to Hali.  It was so bizarre and I loved it.

When I am traveling and checking for WiFi I see some interesting names.  One that I see way too often that is not the least bit interesting is “FBI Surveillance Van”.  Stop it.  If this is you please change it immediately.  It is stupid.  Absolutely no one believes that the FBI would use that as their WiFi name because they wouldn’t.

I have never seen a Fast and/or Furious movie and I never will.  I still can’t believe they keep making these.

I’ve never seen The Karate Kid or any of its sequels.  I was almost forced to watch it once, but I lucked out and the VHS copy would not work.  I truly believe that was a blessing from the movie gods.

a7319a083fb87a5ef14a118c218a35baThis tweet from Chrissy Teigen to Fox “News” is my new favorite tweet of all time:

“I respectfully ask you please don’t ever tag me in anything, ever. Words cannot explain how much I detest you.”

Words cannot express how much I detest Fox “News” either.  When I see someone at the gym watching it I figure they are either a complete idiot or have no idea how to change the channel.

I really do not care that the Raiders are moving to Las Vegas, however the move seems kind of dumb to me.  There are a whole lot of things to do in Vegas; not so much in Oakland.  And what about the lame duck status of the Raiders in that town?  Why would you go and support a team that is deserting you in two years?  That said, I desperately need to return to Vegas and I have no intention of attending a football game when I am there.  Anyone want to go?  I’m ready!

Dear Guy on Motorcycle weaving behind me wanting me to go faster: If I go faster I will hit the guy in front of me so chill out asshole.  You will get where you are going eventually.

There are approximately 4200 religions in the world.  I refuse to believe that 4199 of them are wrong.  Every time I see people handing out bibles on a street corner I wonder how they would react if someone stood on the opposite corner handing out copies of the Quran.  Despite the fact that we have religious freedom, based on how ape shot they get over a red coffee cup or someone saying “Happy Holidays” I am pretty sure they’d bitch and moan about it.

Each morning I wake up wondering if could hate Drumpf more than I already do.  The answer is always yes.  I do hate that POS more every day.  There are also 62 million people in this country that I have no respect for and pretty much despise.  I don’t care if you are my oldest friend; I don’t like you.

We used to be a respected nation.  Now we are the laughingstock of the world.  We may never recover.

I do not wish disease or death on anyone.  That said, if Drumpf were hit by a bus and then thrown off a cliff I would not shed a tear.

A couple of weeks ago I walked in a Walk of Peace and met these two wonderful women.

United Faiths Walk of Peace (173)

They also went to the Women’s March in DC in January.  These are the kind of people that make me proud.  These are the kind of people that get my respect.  These are the real Americans.

Namaste

 

 

 

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