Posted by: lylescott89 | March 16, 2018

Mad World with a Sliver of Hope


“When each of us learns to appreciate the critical importance of ethics and makes inner values like compassion and patience an integral part of our basic outlook on life, the effects will be far-reaching.” – Dalai Lama

Hey kids,

By my own admission, I am not much of a leader.  If I were on Survivor I would never be the guy that takes control and leads the way.  In reality I’d be the guy that would be screaming “get me the hell out of here” two seconds after hitting the beach, but let’s just imagine for a moment that I am not a wimpy guy that hates the heat, bugs and anything to do with being outside.  If I were on a tribe I would be the guy that went along with what anyone said just so I could fit in.  That has been my whole life; trying to fit in where I clearly do not.  Once I finally realized that I have been a much happier individual.  And for the record I was often alone and many considered me a loner.  I was often that kid sitting in the corner at parties/events with no one paying any attention to him.  For the record I have never shot anyone.


Thus there came a point in my life where I realized that I could longer remain silent on things I felt strongly about.  To remain silent is to be complicit and I am not interested in being complicit.  Case in point; back when I was in college I did a lot of things with a particular group of people.  I was desperate for friends and had a desperate need to fit in.  I did such a marvelous job of playing pretend that I don’t think anyone saw through me.  They told me that gays were evil and I said nothing.  They told me I had to be against abortion and I said nothing.  I was told I could not listen to the music I enjoyed or attend concerts I liked because the music was evil.  I went along even though I listened to it all anyway and just didn’t tell anyone.  It is one of my biggest regrets.  I wish I was stronger and able to speak out, but I had no voice and I had such a fear of losing friends that I was silent and therefore, complicit.

mister-rogers-stamp-copy-1518207037I recall once we were meeting and I was probably 18 or 19 years old.  The question of the evening was “who is your favorite inspirational speaker”.  I did not have one and was terrified of what I was going to say when it became my turn.  One by one we went around the room and I heard people giving names of people I had never heard of before.  Names I was completely and utterly unfamiliar with.  I had no idea what to say.  Should I make something up?  Should I try and be funny?  Maybe I should just say the name of someone I respected and hope to heck they would accept my answer.  My turn arrived and my mouth was dry.  I smiled and said “Fred Rogers”.  The room was silent.  People were staring at me.  No one was smiling, no one was laughing, no one was saying a word.  Finally someone spoke up and asked me “who is that”.  I was dumbfounded because who the fuck does not know Mr. Rogers?  I explained and was told I needed to try again because my answer was “not acceptable”.  Why exactly was it not acceptable?  I have no idea because I did not ask.  I said I really didn’t have a favorite speaker and they moved on.  Later, I was ridiculed and made to feel very small because of my answer.  I said nothing.  Later, I cried on the way home.  I wish I could go back and do it all over so I could defend myself.  I cannot do that as I do not own a Delorean.

I have never told anyone this story before and while it has little to no relevance today, it does help to somewhat explain why I refuse to be silent.  My beliefs on the way things are in this country are no secret, yet if I remain silent like so many others, I am indeed complicit and as guilty as the scumbags that have worked so hard to destroy our nation.  I honestly do not care if I lose friends.  I don’t care if I am abandoned by family members.  I don’t care if you think I am angry and not writing funny stuff instead.  I really don’t.


Two days ago thousand upon thousands of young people walked out of schools across the country at 10 AM protesting gun violence and demanding new gun laws.  My son was one of them.  I could not have been more proud of him and every student that participated.  My son is a silly kid, just like I was, however he is not afraid to speak up.  He is not like I was and he will not be silent and he will not be complicit.  He will grow up to be a better person than I could have ever hoped to be because he is not afraid.  It took me about 50 years to no longer be afraid and for that I am ashamed.

So in this time when we have a lying asshole leading what has become a shithole country, we now have hope.  Hope in the most wonderful place imaginable.  Our youth.  And in case you have forgotten, the youth have always been our future.

Martin Luther King, Jr. was 26 when he helped lead the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

John Lewis was 21 when he went to Mississippi as one of the original Freedom Riders.

Diane Nash was 22 when she led the sit-ins in Nashville.

Malala Yousafzai was a mere child of 15 when she was shot for her activism for human rights and female education.  Today she is one of  the most influential people in the world.  Note that I did not say influential women, but all people.

It disgusts me that these young men and women are getting such hatred and vitriol from republicans, that terrorist group known as the nra (I will not capitalize that) and media whores such as pretty much everyone at fox “news”.


For the first time in a long time I see hope.  I see young americans that realize that thoughts and prayers are 100% worthless and it’s way past time for action.  Maybe, just maybe we can escape this nightmare that we have been forced to live under for way too long.  Hate me if you want.  I don’t care.  Ignore me and unfriend me if you wish.  I don’t need your dumbass comments and I do not need to hear a bunch of assholes defending and amendment that has long been misinterpreted and way outdated for over 100 years.  Write your own damn blog.  Let me leave you with this fun little quote from Stephen King:

“With every passing day, Trump acts more like the tinpot military dictator of a Central or South American country in 1955. All he needs is the costume shop uniform and a chestful of fake medals and ribbons.”



Posted by: lylescott89 | February 28, 2018

My Annual Oscar Predictions


Hey kids,

Well it’s that time of year again.  Time for the Oscars and my annual Oscar predictions.  Although they are rarely correct and often wrong I still enjoy making them.  Not nearly as much as I enjoy watching the show, but still, it is darn fun.  When the nominations come out I get a quick idea who I think will win.  Then I change my mind.  Then I change my mind again and again and yes, once again.  Until finally I have no idea who or what will win.  So the predictions I made several weeks ago on several different online contests are likely different than what I will offer today.  (Sorry Auntie N if you lose that contest.  I don’t even recall what picks I gave you) So without further delay, let’s begin.


Last year I was impressed by host Jimmy Kimmel and I am thrilled that he is back to host once again.  Kimmel’s late night show has become the best of the network bunch with Colbert being a close second and Fallon a distant third.  It seems like Fallon has chosen to go the safe and milquetoast route of his incredibly dull predecessor while Kimmel has taken chances, been eloquent and compassionate.  Heck, even Fallon’s ride at Universal Studios sucks.  Plus Kimmel is damn funny.  In addition, there is always Guillermo and how can you not love Guillermo?


The final polls closed yesterday so all of the votes are in and are probably being tabulated as I write this.  Let’s hope they do not hand out the wrong envelope this year, although I am sure that will be joked about more than once on Sunday.

I should also let you know that as of this writing I have only seen two of the nice films nominated for Best Picture.  There was a time, of course, that I made an effort to see them all, however when they changed the rules from only having five nominated films to a maximum of 10 it got more difficult.  Plus some of the films always look so boring that I don’t know that I could sit through them.  Things in past years like La La Land come to mind instantly.  For the record I have seen Dunkirk and Get Out.  I found Dunkirk to be one the best films of the year and I thought it was brilliant.  Christopher Nolan is a fantastic director and the story was told in a fascinating way.  An excellent film and worthy of its nomination.

As I said I also saw Get Out and I have to say that it was, at best, an okay film.  I think I was “District Nined”.  For those unaware, being District Nined is my own invention in which a movie is hyped beyond belief, gets fantastic reviews and I get all excited about it.  I get caught up in the hype and then…meh.  It’s not as good as I had hoped or expected.  This obviously dates back to 2009 when District 9 was released to great reviews and fanfare and I rushed out to see it.


Don’t get me wrong I liked Get Out, but it just didn’t wow me and it hardly qualifies as one of the best pictures of the year.  Off the top of my head I can think of several films I did see (Wonder Woman, Thor: Ragnarok, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Coco, It and Jumanji to name a few) that were all better than Get Out.  I would watch any of the remaining seven nominated films except for Phantom Thread.  It looks incredibly dull and historically I despise the work of Paul Thomas Anderson.  Whatever I have seen that he has directed has sucked big time.  I’ll go into details in a moment, but here are my final predictions:

Best Picture – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Actor – Gary Oldman – Darkest Hour

Best Actress – Frances McDormand – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Supporting Actor – Sam Rockwell – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Supporting Actress – Allison Janney – I, Tonya

Best Director – Guillermo del Toro – The Shape of Water

Best Animated Feature – Coco

If it was up to me you would see Star Wars: The Last Jedi winning Best Picture, Gal Gadot winning Best Actress for Wonder Woman and Hugh Jackman would get Best Actor for Logan.  Unfortunately it is not up to me, but as we all know it darn well should be.

Hollywood Blvd (36)

I chose Three Billboards as Best Picture because it seemed to me like the perfect genre of film for the Academy to reward.  However I think that I would enjoy The Shape of Water more and that it is probably a better example of a cinematic achievement.  That’s why I split and gave the Best Director trophy to del Toro.  I think the Academy will agree.  Plus we could see Guillermo hand the award to Guillermo.  How awesome would that be?  There is an outside shot that they will want to reward Christopher Nolan for his body of work and his lack of previous nominations, but he’ll just have to be patient and wait.  Still, any film could win as we have seen in the past, most notably just a year ago with Moonlight.  Would I be shocked if Lady Bird won?  No.


I’m also going with Three Billboards based on the activism it has inspired in the past few months, most notably right here in Florida.  A progressive group known as Avaaz had three vans circle the office of known douchebag and pile of shit Marco “Fuck the kids, give me more nra money” Rubio that read the following:

“Slaughtered in school” ” And still no gun control” ” How come Marco Rubio?”

Margot-Robbie-Oscars-2018As far as the acting categories go I will start with the men.  Gary Oldman is way overdue for an award and from all I have read his performance as Winston Churchill is a tour de force.  And he’s still the best James Gordon I have ever seen in any Batman film or TV show.   I went with Sam Rockwell from the same film for supporting actor.  I am not exactly sure why, but none of the other names other than Woody Harrelson jumped out at me.  Since they are both from the same film I essentially flipped a coin and it came up Rockwell.

Frances McDormand already won an Oscar for her amazing performance in Fargo and should have won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her work in Almost Famous.  How she lost to Marcia Gay Harden for her role in the sleep inducing Pollack is still beyond belief.  But I think she will get her second for Three Billboards.  In my opinion her only competition is Sally Hawkins, though I would love to see Margot Robbie win.  Meryl Streep is a national treasure and as such she is also nominated and she can never be counted out.  Now watch everything get out of control and Saoirse Ronan walks away with the prize.


Supporting actress was a gimme in my humble opinion.  Allison Janney is better known for her television work, but her performance in I, Tonya as the foul mouthed Lavona Golden was a dream role for her and she played it brilliantly.  There really is no other choice.

When it comes to animated features we all know I will lean towards Disney/Pixar if I have the choice and I do.  The only other nominated feature I saw was Boss Baby and technically I did not see the whole thing.  It was so bad that I left the room after 20 minutes.  Coco is probably the most visually stunning film that Pixar has made.  Plus the story of family and love is timeless.  It’s just a beautiful film.


So there you have it.  One year from now I expect to be writing and telling you about how Black Panther has been nominated for a record 15 Academy awards and will win for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress and Best Director.  I highly doubt a better film will come out this year.  Until then, enjoy the show.




Posted by: lylescott89 | February 26, 2018

Time the Avenger


Hey kids,

I realize that this is probably a very obvious statement, but I really hate funerals.  I’m pretty sure that with the exception of funeral directors, no one really likes them.  I had the misfortune of attending five in 2017 and I will be headed to my first one of 2018 this weekend.  They are never fun and I always leave more depressed than when I arrived.

I’ve always been told that funerals are for the living and not the decedent.  That makes sense because the person we are honoring has no clue whatsoever that we are even having a funeral.  I suppose if one believes in ghosts or spirits that one could imagine that the deceased is hanging around and watching, but really why would they?  If there is indeed a better life after this one then why would you hang around watching something depressing?

At a funeral one often must face their own mortality.  No one will be here forever, with the exception of Olivia de Havilland.  I am convinced that Olivia is an immortal being sent to earth for some reason, though I have never been able to actually figure out why.  Anyway, in earth years, she is currently 101 years old, but if her life were measured from the realm she hails from we’d realize she is thousands of years old.


In any case I got to thinking of what I wanted at my funeral.  Morbid?  Perhaps, but I am a really fun person with a wicked sense of humor and I want my guests (if there are any) to have a really fun time.  Plus Donna needs to know what I want so in case she can’t plan it herself she can make sure that whoever plans it will get it done right.  I would hate to think that I’d get some moron planning something that they considered fun and all I’d end up with were two of the lowest forms of entertainment, clowns and ventriloquists.

As the guests arrive they will be get in line behind a velvet rope.  There will be a bouncer, of course, and this person will ensure that no one of ill repute gets in.  And by ill repute I mean anyone that voted for Drumpf.  I don’t care if you are my oldest friend or a member of my family.  If you voted for that shithead you are not welcome in my home and you are certainly not welcome at my funeral.  So just stay home asshole that helped fuck up our country.  My gosh I have nothing but hate and disdain for you.  I’m not going to your funeral either.  Begone stupid idiots, be gone!  (Yes, I am angry and I am allowed to be angry.  Get off my back) Here, watch this video.  Just for fun and to once again get my point across.

Back to the funeral.  Once inside you will be escorted to your seat by a Hooters girl.  There will be several Hooters girls there to serve wings at the reception afterwards, so it’s just as well that they do some work prior to the service as well.

The most important part of any funeral is the music and I have picked out several fantastic songs that will represent the essence of me.  This is why there will be no crappy music whatsoever and I stand firm in the fact that I do not want that sappy song, Amazing Grace, played at my service.  I really hate that song and it is way overused.  I swear that if someone dares to play that at my service I will come back and haunt you for the rest of your days,  Not a fun, Casper the Friendly Ghost haunting for you.  Nope.  You are getting the kind of haunting that will drive you insane.  I will play my saxophone next to you while you try and sleep.  I will haunt your laundry room and you can be damn sure that you will never have two matching socks ever again.


As the procession into the building begins we hear the sounds of Kashmir by Led Zeppelin.    I realize this is a rather long song so just play the first two minutes and 25 seconds and fade out at that point.  I realize that we are missing a whole lot of good music, but we must move on.  However, if you all feel that you should play the whole thing please do so, but make sure that you play to at least the 2:25 mark.  I had also considered Yakety Sax by Boots Randolph, however that may have caused the processional to go way too fast.  So it’s Kashmir.  Damn that’s a good song.

Then there is some chatter about how, at the tender age of 99 & 3/4 I drifted off to sleep and did not wake up despite the fact that the nurses waved bacon under my nose for 45 minutes.  And then…more music!

BEATLES - 1965

I knew I wanted something by The Beatles because, as we all know, I am a huge Beatles fan.  I have always said that if I was ever elected Pope I would choose as my official pontiff name, Pope John Paul George Ringo.  There are a ton of fantastic Beatles songs to choose from, but ultimately I chose Across the Universe.  This song was written by my favorite Beatle, John Lennon, but credited to Lennon-McCartney.  First and foremost I love the song.  Second I like to think that if there is a post-earth life that I will be able to spiritually transcend the universe and discover its mysteries.  That is unless some bozo plays Amazing Grace and I am stuck haunting the poor bastard until they die.  I also like the lyric “nothing’s gonna change my world”.  It’s a special song to me so it stays.

PinkFloydAt this point we have a video montage all about me.  It will include photos of me along with my family.  Pictures of me with Donna, with my best pal Adam and with my canine companion for 14 years, Buddy.  There will also be some of my favorite photos I have taken through the years.  During this montage we will hear Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd.  I have to tell you that I once owned the album, The Wall, and I pretty much hated it.  It was a concept album and that was never really my thing, however, Comfortably Numb is pretty much the only stand alone song on  the album.  If you listen to the lyrics they are quite brilliant and very reflective of who I was and who I have become disregarding the fact that I was never a rock star.  I probably should have been, but whatever.  Anyway the song’s protagonist, Pink, sings of being ill as a child and then feeling nothing at all as an adult.  I feel a lot of nothing these days.  Plus once a person passes I always think that their body is actually Comfortably Numb.  This song needs to be played in its entirety.

Next some people talk about my love for Disney, Seinfeld, Star Wars, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, baseball, football, Mrs. Maisel, yada, yada, yada.  Then we move on to the next song.


The album All Things Must Pass by George Harrison is, to me, the best of all the solo albums by any of the Beatles.  Lennon and McCartney had some great albums as well and Ringo…well Ringo did have some good songs, but hios albums were nothing of note. However this triple album is a work of pure genius and has several huge hits on it.  The musicians that worked on this album with Harrison is a virtual who’s who of rock & roll: Eric Clapton, Ginger Baker, Ringo Starr, Peter Frampton, Dave Mason and Billy Preston to name just a few.  While there are a lot of great tracks to choose from I chose the title track, All Things Must Pass.

George was very much an underrated songwriter and this particular song was shockingly rejected by The Beatles.  Billy Preston originally recorded it, but it is this version that is the standard.  I know that symbolism is often lost on me, but I absolutely love the lyrics of this song.  George speaks of the transient nature of the human existence.  We live for a very short time and he reflects that in the lyrics: “Sunlight doesn’t last all morning, a cloudburst doesn’t last all day”.  It’s just brilliant.  And I listen to this song almost every day as I exercise.  As I grow older it keeps me focused.  Thanks George and happy 75th birthday.


And then we must conclude.  As our closing song I have chosen Louie, Louie by The Kingsmen.  It sets the tone perfectly as the guests head out to the reception to enjoy some of my favorite foods: wings, sausage & pepperoni pizza and chocolate cake with chocolate icing.  All of which can be washed down with a refreshing Arnold Palmer.  Damn, now I am pissed I won’t be there.  Have fun kids.  This is all for you.  Except you assholes that voted for Drumpf.  Screw you.


Posted by: lylescott89 | February 6, 2018

And That is why I am not a Gambler


Hey kids,

The Super Bowl is over and that is a perfect example of why I do not gamble under any circumstances; I am absolutely horrible at guessing the outcome of sporting events.  I’ll talk a little about the game and the other things involbed with it in a moment, but now is a perfect tiome to remind you that the Dark Days have begun.  Oh sure I have the Academy Awards coming up, but that is just one night.  Until then there are virtually no sports to hold my interest.  I have no interest in watching the Winter Olympics nor do I want to watch guys on skates fight for a little black disc.  And no, I do not want to watch men or women bounce a ball while they wear squeaky shoes.  So I await the coming baseball season in April and another football season in about 200 plus days.


Yesterday afternoon I decided to play a simulation of the game on the Xbox.  First I played as the Eagles and beat the Patriots by a score of 17-10.  Then I played as the Patriots and beat the Eagles by a score of 23-13.  Both games were defensive battles and since I was playing against the computer it’s really no surprise that I won as each team.  I thought about this and then decided that since both teams had exceptional defenses that we were in for a night of smash mouth football and probably a closer game than I initially predicted.  As we all know by now the game featured virtually no defense whatsoever.

We all are interested as to what I thought of the game and all the festivities so let’s dig right into that.

Let’s start with the singing of God Bless America.  I didn’t see it and I didn’t hear it so no way I can comment on that.  I was in the kitchen getting my pulled pork, sliced pork, baked beans, garlic bread and French fries all situated on my plate.

I am told that Pink (I refuse to use an exclamation point for an I) sang the national anthem.  I did not see it nor did I hear it as I was busy drowning my pulled pork and sliced pork in barbecue sauce.  Again, I cannot comment.

However I was in my seat in time for the game to begin with a full plate of delicious food.  I wish I had taken a picture.  Dang it.  In any case I settled in and before too long it became obvious to me that the Eagles were going to be win.  The Pats could not stop them, especially on third down, and when the coach went for it on 4th down and Foles caught a touchdown pass?  I knew it was the end of the line for the Pats even though there was a whole other half to go.

The game was exciting, but hardly a classic.  To be a classic, a game must have some assemblance of defense.  This was more like Arena Football.  There was one punt in the game.  One.  The Eagles defense stepped up once and made Brady fumble on the strip sack and eventually tacked on three more points.  That was the lone defensive play by the Eagles.  The Pats had a chance earlier on a fourth down play, but their once proud defense could not do the job.  Had their defense ben up to the task of stopping a fourth down play that Brady Magic may have shown its ugly head.  Instead, jubilation in Philly.


Is this the end for Brady, Belichick and the Patriots dynasty?  Probably not, but it kind of felt like the beginning of the end.  Brady played a hell of a game and passed for a ton of yards, but he looked beat after the game.  He looked beat and he really wasn’t hit all that much.

In any case I am kind of glad I was wrong with my prediction.  To see the look of shock and defeat on the faces of the Kraft family was worth it.  To see that Gronk guy look like he was lost in a cave searching for the last donut was worth it.  To see Brady go into the locker room as a loser for a change felt really good.  And to see Giselle not screaming in joy made me really happy.  It was pure schadenfreude.

Once again I missed the halftime show.  I would not watch Justin Timberlake perform if her were standing in front of my house.  In fact I’d probably pull the car out of the garage and drive over him on my way to get something to eat.  (In reality I am still a pacifist so there is really no way I’d hurt him, but I would still leave) I have not seen a Super Bowl halftime show since January 1993 and unless they return to having marching bands, I never will.

I still wonder what the heck Malcolm Butler did to get him on the Belichick Shit List.  Seriously, if this guy broke a curfew is that really grounds to not let him play the whole game?  Generally that’s a “You won’t start” or “You won’t play the first quarter” sort of thing.  One has to wonder if Belichick found Butler in bed with his wife or worse, Giselle!


And now the commercials.  I did not see them all because, of course, they are commercials and are meant to be ignored or fast forwarded through on a DVR.  But I did see a few and I can barely remember what I saw anyway.  I’ll tell you that all of my favorites were movie trailers; Solo: A Star Wars Story (I almost leapt out of my seat with joy) Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, Mission Impossible – Fallout and Avengers: Infinity War were my absolute favorite ads.  Nothing else compared.  There was also a trailer for what appeared to ba a cross between Die Hard and The Towering Inferno.  It was called Skyscraper and it looked like crap.

I did like the Tide ads, but mostly because they had Sheriff Hopper from Stranger Things in them.  That was cool.  I can only imagine the advertising potential of someone like Millie Bobby Brown.

Now let’s talk about two ads that absolutely disgusted me to no end.  The first was from Anheuser Busch and told the story about how they donated water to disaster ravaged communities in Texas, Florida, California and Puerto Rico.  First of all, you are supposed to do nice things without making a big deal about it.  Second of all, Anheuser Busch spent $5 million on an ad during the Super Bowl to brag about giving $100,000 in water to needy people?  Screw you AB.  Do nice stuff, but don’t brag about it.

Then there was the ad for Ram trucks (I have no idea who makes those) in which they used Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s speech from 2/4/68 to sell their vehicles.  Now I am sure they had to get approval from the family, but that does not make me want to vomit any less.  Using a speech from Dr. King to sell pickup trucks seems tasteless.


Please take a moment to enjoy this obligatory photo from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel:



And then there was the commercial about…oh my gosh, I actually have no recollection of anything else.  Thank god!  That reminds me…

Can we please stop with the “I want to give all praise to (insert your favorite deity here) for giving me this moment” routine?  Seriously!  I don’t a rat’s ass who or what you worship; I just want to watch a football game and a trophy presentation.  And do you really think that your chosen deity is sitting in some cloud filled room helping you to win a game?  I have news for you; no god worth an ounce of salt spends two seconds deciding on who wins or loses a game.  Poverty, homelessness, starving children and assholes living in the White House should be an all-powerful god’s priority.  Then again we have tons of poverty, crime, underfed children and a boatload of assholes in the White House so maybe your god is indeed watching football.  But do you ever hear anyone from the losing team say “I want to give praise to (once again insert your favorite deity here) for helping me lose with dignity and grace”.  Nope, never heard that one.

In any case, congratulations to the 2017 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles.  You earned it and you deserve it.



Posted by: lylescott89 | February 4, 2018

Some days you get the giraffe, some days you get the wig.


“If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die.” –  Maya Angelou

Hey kids,

I suppose some clarity is in order.  I have not left my wife and son.  I have not abandoned my sisters, my aunt, my uncle or my cousins for androids.  Nor do I have a secret family hidden in Sheboygan.  I have not converted to Mormonism and Donna does not suddenly have sister-wives.  I have not adopted any children and no one has adopted me.  Whatever I was trying to say with my “new family” comment got blown way out of proportion by people that wrote me and took things way too literally.

You know how some people have church families while others may have Synagogue families or Buddhist Temple families?  Or perhaps you have a work family.  Maybe you have a Disney family.  I worked part-time for Disney for several years and considered them my family and I am still in touch with several of those people.  Maybe you have a support group of some sort and that is a family to you.  I have a college family.  It’s a very small family (It’s actually a trio) and we kind of goof on each other a bit, but we’re family and that’s okay.  They know I would do anything for them (within reason) and I know they’d do the same for me.  What I was trying to say is that a family is many things and when you meet new people and get involved sometimes you become a part of their family.  We all have many families.  Now allow me to elaborate.


Recently, I became a part of the IBMS (International Bikini Model Search) Family.  They call themselves a family and they welcomed me.  That made me feel good.  I had a rough first night due to my own anxieties and neuroses, but guess what?  They accepted me anyway.  I talked about my OCD issues as well as my introverted nature and they listened.  I spoke about my anxiety issues and my many, many neuroses.  And they were all okay with that.  When I got there I was with a complete group of strangers, but I left with new friends and new family members.

Throughout my life I have felt like an outsider in almost every place I have been.  I felt like that all through high school.  I tried many things to fit in when I was in college, but I tried way too hard and made myself miserable in the process.  I joined a college aged church youth group after high school and even though we had some fun times together, I was always the one left behind and always the one that felt unwanted.  They’d break off into couples and guess who was alone.  Yep, that would be me.  The harder I tried the worse it got.  Wherever I worked, with the exception of Disney, I felt like the square peg.

So finally after years and years of not fitting in I found a place where I felt welcomed.  I found a place where people were nice to me and did not care that I made obnoxious and obscure pop culture references in order to hide my nervousness.  They liked me for me and I liked them too.  I am generally an unhappy person because so many things bother me, but this made me happy.   These new people made me happy and I am proud to be a part of their family.


Now are these the people I will be spending Thanksgiving with from now on?  No, of course not.  I will be with Donna and Adam; the two people I love and cherish most in this world.  I have told them both for years that they are the only two people I need.  Donna encouraged me to get out of the house, make new friends and be a part of something.  Well now I have.  Just like Mrs. Maisel, I am sorry if I hurt anyone.


Posted by: lylescott89 | February 2, 2018

Just Some Brief Super Bowl Thoughts

Pearls Bon Bon

Hey kids,

In case you have not noticed I have been on a self imposed hiatus.  Quite simply I was feeling unappreciated of late and was tired of it all.  I purposely chose the holiday season for the hiatus because, as most of you know already, the holidays give me a great amount of agita and that is something that I am attempting to rid myself of.  After being accused of being angry (and frankly if you are not angry with the way things are going in this country then you are part of the problem) and being cruel (I am not cruel) I decided that I needed to keep my ranting about commercialism, idiots complaining about me saying Happy Holidays or idiots that go batshit crazy over coffee cups to myself.  Well, I didn’t really keep it to myself I just didn’t write about it.  But January came and with it brought me a new outlook, new friends and my new extended IBMS family.  This is something I will have to share with you later because I must be brief today and stay on subject.

Today’s subject is Super Bowl LII.  If we all recall correctly I made a prediction at the beginning of the season.  I went way out on a limb and picked the Patriots to win and I am going to stick with that.  I had them playing Seattle, but the Seahawks had an uneven season.  At times they looked good and at others they looked like garbage.  Ultimately they missed the playoffs so we have the Eagles playing the Pats in Minneapolis on Sunday night.


The Pats have to be feeling very fortunate that they are in this game at all. If not for an ill timed whistle and a nonsensical pass interference call they may not be here at all.  But they are and I will not bet against them.  I have picked them since the beginning of the season and I see no reason to stop now.  We all know I am not a fan of either team, so it really does not matter who wins, however I dislike the Eagles more than I dislike the Patriots so I guess I will root for them.  But on the other hand I am also kind of tired of seeing the same damn team in the Super Bowl all time so maybe I will cheer for the Eagles.  I will see how I feel when the game starts.  But take a look at this chart.  This is some sort of aggregated data showing rooting interest by state.  Clearly the country is as sick of the Patriots as I am.  Not sure what the hell is going on in North Dakota.


If you are paying attention (and if you aren’t why not?) you will notice that in each of the prior seven Super Bowls in the Belichick/Brady era, the Patriots teams have all played very close games.  Take a quick look at the scores.  (Please note I am not including the blowouts at the hands of the Bears in the 80’s or the Packers in the 90’s as those were well before Brady and/or Belichick)

Super Bowl XXXVI Pats 20 Rams 17

Super Bowl XXXVIII Pats 32 Panthers 29

Super Bowl XXXIX Pats 24 Eagles 21

Super Bowl XLII Giants 17 Pats 14

Super Bowl XLVI Giants 21 Pats 17

Super Bowl XLIX Pats 28 Seahawks 24

Super Bowl LI Pats 34 Falcons 28 (OT)

As you can see the largest margin in any of the Belichick/Brady era Patriots Super Bowls was a mere six points.  I think that changes this year.  My prediction:

New England 31 Philadelphia 17

That’s how I see it.  I could be wrong.  I probably am, but I don’t have money on the game so it really doesn’t matter.  Oh, and I fully intend to avoid the halftime show for the 25th consecutive year.  And if I do get stuck watching any of the commercials I will be here next week to complain about the schmaltzy nonsense that companies like Budweiser use to sell beer.  Enjoy the game kids.


Posted by: lylescott89 | November 11, 2017

Please Stop Playing that Song Part II

23172806_10155772889953764_5292255646271393197_nHey kids,

In the past two days I have heard not one, not two, but three more songs that I never want to hear again.  This is becoming an epidemic with me and I figured now was as good a time as any to add to my list.  You all know how this works so no further explanation necessary.

In the Air Tonight – Phil Collins – The year was 1981 and I was in high school.  I had been a fan of the music of Genesis and actually went and purchased Phil Collin’s debut solo album, Face Value.  I thought this song was too slow and kind of “just okay”.  However it became a huge hit and to this day is still played.  I can make the argument that no one actually likes this song and that really only listen for the fantastic drum break near the end of the song.  Well I have heard it more than a thousand times by now and I am damn sick of it.  It is such a boring song and it needs to go bye bye.


Love Shack – The B-52’s – I will gladly admit that there was a time that I would sing along with Fred Schneider and knew every word.  I loved this song, but now it is just too much fr me to handle.  I now cringe when it comes on the radio.  It’s a staple on classic alternative radio (Sirius XM First Wave) and I do have a tendency to listen to that quite a bit, but then when this comes on I switch to Classic Rewind.  The tin roof is rusted and needs to collapse or be torn down.


Cenetrfold – The J. Geils Band – Okay, my blood runs cold whenever this song begins.  Again, I loved it when I was in high school back in 1981.  I loved the video and could have sworn that was Martha Quinn in the lingerie.  It was not, but that was milk in the drum, yes?  Either way I think by now that Peter Wolf has gotten over seeing his high school crush naked in a magazine.  So let’s stop playing this one too.  On a side note it is worth mentioning of the passing of guitarist and namesake of the band, J. Geils.  Rest in Peace my friend.  You made a lot of good music, but take this one with you.


Posted by: lylescott89 | November 6, 2017

I have got to take a break


Can you imagine living in a world where children are mowed down in church, but baking a cake for two men makes you hire a lawyer? – Martha Plimpton

Hey kids,

Another mass shooting.  Ho hum.  More thoughts and prayers from those that do not do anything about the gun epidemic and mental illness in this country.  Yawn.  I have, as I said previously, become immune and that is pathetic.  Maybe we should take guns away from all white men as that apparently is the problem, but I digress.


I previously got myself off of Facebook, though I did occasionally go back and see what was going on. But I’m sick of the stupidity.  I am tired of the narcissism.  I am tired of seeing morons get more worked up over people kneeling for a song instead of doing something that actually matters and makes a difference in the world.  Heck, let’s change the anthem to Born to Run and see what happens.  In all seriousness if you stopped watching the NFL because less than 1% of the players knelt for a song then you really have issues.

I have had enough of people bitching about an attraction closing at Walt Disney World instead of realizing that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter.  Same goes for the yokels making a big deal at where the cheese is on a picture of a cheeseburger.  I’m tired of it all.  With the holiday season coming I expect to see the full spectrum of forcing “Merry Christmas” on everyone and getting pissed at being wished “Happy Holidays”.  No more social media for me for the rest of the year.  I’ve had it.

So I am going off the grid for a while.  Our priorities are totally out of whack in this wretched country and bitching about them does nothing.  I’m going to see what I can do about making things better instead of complaining.  This is tough because I am an expert at complaining.


I also have to get myself away from anyone associated with that pile of shit Drumpf.  I’ve said it a thousand times, but again; I have never felt so much hate for one person in my entire life.  How anyone could call themselves a Christian and then cast a vote for a “man” that is a blatant misogynist, a white supremacist, an adulterer and a habitual liar is beyond my comprehension.  How any woman voted for a jackass that bragged about sexually assaulting women is completely incomprehensible.  Again I do not respect any alleged human that voted for that putz and I am damn sick and tired of reading about his nonsense and the deplorable people that support him.  So Twitter is gone too.

I am taking a break for my own sanity.  Going off the grid sounds pretty good right now.  Though I will probably continue to post a blog or two, the next time I’ll See you on social media is 2018 or when Drumpf is arrested and sent to prison.  Whichever comes first.



Posted by: lylescott89 | November 1, 2017

Please Stop Playing that Song


Hey kids,

Being that today is Halloween (okay I realize it’s not Halloween any longer, but it was when I started writing this so get over it) it is my duty to mention that I have never seen the movie “Hocus Pocus”.  When it came out I said “that looks shitty” and I have high hopes that I will never see it.  Okay, that news is out of the way. On with the main event.

spotifyThis past summer when we took a blissfully short road trip we tried using Spotify in the car.  We each took turns choosing artists to listen to (I pretty much always picked The Beatles or Elvis Costello) and then trying not to complain about each other’s selections.  On several occasions I mentioned that there were certain songs that I have heard enough and I never need to hear them again.  Then I recently read an article in which someone on NPR had come up with the same idea that I did; that certain songs need to be retired.  So I decided that I would make a list of the songs I never, ever want to hear again.  And I now present to you a part of my fabulous list.  There are way too many songs to list, but these are the ones I am the most sick of hearing.

Hotel California by The Eagles – Now I make no claim to be an Eagles fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I have listened to their music before since it is almost impossible to escape it.  I have checked in to this hotel for the final time and contrary to the lyrics, I have left.  To me this is the most overplayed song of all time.  While it was an okay song in the 70’s, it has no place in the 21st century.  I’d rather stay at the Bates Motel than this dump.

masonreeseCats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin – Okay we get it.  You never gave your kid any attention and it came back to bite you in the ass.  Sorry dumbass, but you can’t go back in time (although Cher tried and since I have always hated that song it does not get included on this list) Seriously, if I could go back in time the third thing I would do is stop Chapin from writing this song. The first would be put Drumpf’s mother on a constant IV full of birth control and the second would be to make sure Neil Diamond devoted his life to really being a Cantor/Hazzan.  I realize Harry is dead, but dear god you made Mason Reese cry!  Why on earth are we still hearing a song that made Mason Reese cry?  Damn you for making Mason Reese cry!

Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond –  Speaking of the aforementioned Cantor, this song sucks.  In fact that is actually part of the lyrics.  I have heard this damn thing about 10 million times and recently it was once again forced upon us as part of an ad campaign for cars.  Some bozo in a car (do not even ask me what kind of car.  It may have been red) pulls up to the light and begins singing this drivel.  Then the girl in the car next to him (might be blue, possibly green) sings along with him.  Stop it.  Just stop playing this song!

pumpkin-catPiano Man by Billy Joel – At one time I knew all the words to this song since I had heard it so much.  Then one day I cracked.  I heard it for the billionth time and that was it for me.  I can never hear this damn song again.  I don’t care what the microphone smells like and I do not care about Davy or the regular crowd.  Learn a different song.  I am told that Billy Joel has literally hundreds of other songs, yet this is the one I have to hear on a road trip.  Yeesh.

Down Under by Men at Work – This may surprise some people, but I am sick of this damn song.  It has been played more than any other Men at Work song and its time is over.  I recently was on a brief working vacation in Bonita Springs at a lovely resort.  I had been there before and knew of the lazy river.  When I was there two years ago I heard a lovely variety of tropical tunes with some Jimmy Buffett sprinkled in.  It all made perfect sense.  However this time they had Down Under playing on a continuous loop.  Over and over again as I looped around the lazy river I heard that damn song.  I wanted to set that damned fried out combie on fire.  No more!


There are more of course, but that is good enough for today.  Maybe one day I will write a part II.  If I do I’ll have to include Going up the Country by Canned Heat, Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin and everything ever performed by U2.  Or maybe those belong in the “oh my gosh I hate that song” category.



Posted by: lylescott89 | October 10, 2017

It’s True, I Want to Leave Florida


Hey Kids,

It is true.  I want to leave Florida.  This is not something I have determined lightly.  Most certainly not.  I have spent many a day considering this.  There are so many reasons why and today I will name a few of the main ones.

Now I know what you are saying and/or thinking.  You’re thinking that I love Florida and how can I survive being away from my second home, Walt Disney World.  I was born in Florida.  I have lived in Florida for most of my life.  Oh sure I spent a few years in Texas and a few more in Illinois, but Florida has been my home for the vast majority of my days.  And for the record I have no plans to leave any time soon, but I relish the day that I take off for someplace else.  I do realize that there is no perfect place to live.  However I feel that I have lived in Florida as long as I have needed to live and there is a new place just waiting for me.  Will I be happy there?  Sure.  Will I have troubles there?  Of course, but the pros outweigh the cons as far as I am concerned.  Why do I want to leave?  Let me count the ways.


The heat!  My god the heat!  It’s so damn hot.  The older I get the hotter it gets (again, thank you climate change) and my tolerance to the heat has gone way down. In fact I find the heat and humidity completely intolerable.  This is the main reason I want to escape.  I find it difficult to even walk outside for most of the year.  Thus it is difficult to enjoy myself.  Yes I do like going swimming to cool off, but even then the pool is sometimes close to boiling so it is really not that refreshing.  I keep saying that I will enjoy the beach more, but the fact of the matter is I hate getting sand all over myself and I am just way too lazy to get up and go there.  As I sit here I have the a/c blasting and a fan running to keep me cool.  If I go outside I will be a massive ball of sweat in seconds.  Not minutes, seconds.  As much as I love Walt Disney World the heat makes it so much less enjoyable for me.  When I was at Disneyland and there was no humidity and the temperature was in the 70’s I could spend the whole day there.  I had taken Adam to Universal Studios Orlando shortly before I left and we were there about four hours before I was ready to pass out. I want to get away from the damn heat.


So many damn people, especially the wretched “know-it-alls”.  The amount of humanity here is astounding.  And I realize that wherever I go there will also be a lot of humans. I’m okay with that, but Florida seems to bring out the worst in people.  Those that move here from out of state are generally obnoxious.  I do not know how many times I have heard some idiot tell me “that’s not the way we did it up north”.  Well then go back up north bozo.  Or when someone says something like “Everything is so much better in Ohio”.  Well go back to freaking Ohio if it was so damned great.  Get the hell out of here!

Hurricanes.  I hate hurricanes, but even more so I hate the way people react when they know one is on the way.  As I have mentioned before they go bonkers and start buying water, filling their cars up with gas and generally become annoying.  You see these people waiting in the rain outside of Publix just to get some damned bottled water.  As if they do not have indoor plumbing at home.  Then you see a hundred people at one gas station while one just down the street has plenty of gas and no line.  Pure stupidity.  Hurricanes do not scare me per se, but I hate being without electricity.  I really feel for the people of Puerto Rico and that shithead in chief that will not do a damn thing for them other than throw paper towels.


And speaking of the grand shithead, there are far too many conservative people here for my taste.  Not that I need everyone to think like I do (although that would be great) but to see so many fucking morons support that mentally ill asshole is just too disgusting for me to handle.  I’m a liberal and damn proud of it.  (On a side note to my Christian friends please remember that Jesus was a liberal, socialist Jew with a fondness for carpentry and not a conservative by any stretch of the imagination) When I was in California I saw same sex couples everywhere just being themselves.  I saw them at Disneyland, I saw them at Venice Beach, I saw them at the Santa Monica Pier and I saw same sex couples at the Farmer’s Market.  It was a beautiful thing to see.  People just being who they are without fear of some asshole shooting them, yelling at them or throwing shit at them.  I want to live where people are not yelled at for being “different”.  That goes for me too as I often get ridiculed for being a liberal and compassionate person.  So yeah, going someplace more liberal would be fantastic.

I suppose it goes along with the above reason, but I am damn sick and tired of driving around and seeing morons with a stupid Confederate flag flying from their car.  Why not just have a flag that says “Look at me I’m a Racist”.  Oh wait, that’s exactly what they are saying.

I could go on but you get the point: not Africa hot, no assholes from Ohio that think they are better than me (I don’t mean to pick on Ohio.  Ohio is actually a lovely state with some amazing cities and small towns.  The people that live there are very nice.  I met some lovely people in Cleveland, Cincinnati and Columbus.  The retirees I have met in Florida are friendly.  The non-retired people that leave for Florida are mostly assholes) less conservatives, more liberals, no Confederate flags and no freaking hurricanes.  But first and foremost it’s the heat.  So damn hot!


So where do I want to go?  Well to be perfectly honest I would be extremely happy to say goodbye to the USA for good and move to Canada.  I love Canada.  I like the idea of healthcare for everybody and I also like the idea of being to go someplace without the fear of being shot by some idiot with a dozen guns.  In addition I appreciate the fact that they have not allowed right wing extremists to take over their country.  No Drumpf and no Pence is a great way to live.  Plus it is a gorgeous country and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is an awesome leader.  Leadership is something this country has lacked since January 20th.  Sure they have assholes; they cannot be avoided.  However there are a hell of a lot less of them.  I realize that Canada is very cold and moving there is just a pipe dream, but it is the top of my list.  It’s not going to happen though because Donna does not want to go to Canada.  She prefers we stay here and resist.


So where in this country would I like to go?  Well I love the Pacific Northwest.  Washington and Oregon are two of my favorite places to visit and I know I would love living there.  California would be nice as well, but it is so crowded in SoCal that I probably would go nuts with the traffic.  It rains a lot in the Pacific Northwest and I love rain.  I thoroughly enjoy the rainy days.  If you think about it, the fact that all the rain in the winter makes it all the more beautiful in the summer is a huge plus.  I love mountains and I love the beauty of nature.  But I really love that the temperatures are lower than Florida.  Yes, I know a lot of people are moving to Oregon and it’s the in place, but I still want to go.  It’s not going to become another SoCal.

So be looking for me to head west in about four or five years.  I can’t wait.




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