Posted by: lylescott89 | April 19, 2017

Red Car, Yellow Car, Blue Car; You call that a Car Show?

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Hey kids,

A very happy #BaconWednesday to you all.  Last week I was so happy with the Smithfield Original bacon that I again had that this week.  It was delicious, as expected.  Just a couple of things today so I’ll get right to them.

Last week I heard that the Miami Marlins had commissioned a nine foot tall statue of pitcher Jose Fernandez.  For those who do not know Fernandez was killed last September in a boating accident.  His death was tragic; make mo mistake about that. He was a young pitcher that had a great start to his career with a promising future. He also had a baby on the way.  It is rightful to mourn his death.  A life taken too soon. However, the circumstances around his death make the idea of a statue quite disturbing.

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Fernandez had a career record of 38-17 with a 2.89 ERA and was a beloved pitcher in Miami.  It looked as though he had the world at his feet and an enormous future in the game of baseball and life.  But one night he and two friends decided to go out on their boat.  It was the middle of the night.  The boat crashed into some rocks and all three aboard were killed.  The final accident report showed that Fernandez was driving the boat at a speed in excess of 65 MPH.  In addition the blood alcohol level of Fernandez was almost twice the legal limit and there was cocaine in his system.  According to the Florida Fish & Wildlife Conservation Commission:

“Fernandez operated (the boat) with his normal faculties impaired, in a reckless manner, at an extremely high rate, in the darkness of night, in an area with known navigational hazards such as rock jetties and channel markers,”

sfl-fl0041764232-20160925Had he survived, his actions would have resulted in boating under the influence-manslaughter, vessel homicide and five other charges.

How does this person warrant a statue?  I don’t understand it.  The families of the passengers on the boat have both filed lawsuits against Fernandez’s estate.  I wonder what they think of a statue honoring the person whose recklessness led to their family member’s death?

And now for something a little less serious.  At the nearby McDonald’s they have signs advertising a “Car Show” every Saturday night.  I am not the kind of person that would go to a car show nor do I have any interest in cars whatsoever.  If I want to see cars I’ll set up a chair by the highway and watch them go by.

Anyway I have driven past this McDonald’s every Saturday for the past several weeks and each week I see the exact same thing.  A red car, a blue car and a yellow car.  They are all shiny and they all have their hoods up.  Why they have the hoods up I have no idea.  Why not open the trunk too?  I could not tell you what kind of cars they are.  Sitting near these cars in lawn chairs are three old guys.  I can only assume that the old guys are the owners of the three cars.  They are sitting there chatting and smoking while the cars sit there, presumably, talking with each other as well.  There is no one looking at the cars. There is no one stopping to take a peek under the hood.   There are virtually no humans within 25 feet of the old guys or their cars.  So is this really a car show?

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Recently I saw an episode of Man with a Plan (not a particularly good show) in which the two main characters had passes to a real car show at the same time their wives had tickets for Lord of the Dance.  The guys had to devise a lie so they could get out of the dance show (I would have preferred that) and go see the cars.  It worked, temporarily, and they got themselves to the car show.  They took a third friend and he said something like “we’re here, now what do we do?”  (I had the same reaction as I would have no clue what I’d do at a car show)  The response was a rather confused “well, we look at cars”.

So here’s to the three old guys that have devised a unique plan; a so-called “car show” so they could spend Saturday nights chatting with each other, smoking cigars and avoiding doing things with their spouses.  Good work guys!

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | April 11, 2017

Tomorrow’s Bacon Will be…

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Hey kids,

I am so excited for #BaconWednesday this week.  I know you are eagerly anticipating the announcement of this week’s bacon so I will not make you wait any longer.  I will be making Smithfield Hometown Original Bacon.  I have tried pretty much every variety of Smithfield so I know I really cannot go wrong, yet I am very excited about this one. Why you ask?  Well it has been a while since I went with Hometown Original.  A fun time will be had by all.  Well, except the pig.

smithfield-bacon

Just a few more things today.  First I want to help some people with their spelling and definitions.  A principle is defined as an accepted or professed rule of action or conduct: a person of good moral principles.  Now a principal is the head or director of a school.  When I was a child a teacher told me a very easy way to remember the difference.  “The principal is your pal” is what she told me and it has stuck.  Apparently this is a lost expression.  Consequently I have to remind people of this once in a while.  

MrWeatherbee 

With that in mind did anyone else see how Brian Williams pretty much had an orgasm on the air while he was watching missiles launch?  Seriously what is wrong with this guy?  Now I realize I am a pacifist and seeing missiles fly means nothing to me, but his reaction was as if he was watching and subsequently narrating a porn film.  I am not making this up.  

As most of you know my photography is progressing to the next level.  After photographing the Dapper Day events at Walt Disney World for the past several years I have now been contracted to do the same at Disneyland.  It will be my first trip to Disneyland since October of 2004 so I am immensely thrilled about this opportunity.  I’l be doing a lot of things while on the west coast and I hope my old man body can keep up

Knowing that I will be at Disneyland a full month before the Guardians of the Galaxy attraction is scheduled to open is decidedly upsetting to me.  Still, I am sure I will have fun.  Seriously how could I not have fun?  DSC_0402-Edit

Speaking of attractions a few weeks ago Adam and I were able to get a preview of the (now open to all) Jimmy Fallon attraction at Universal Studios.  I will keep my review short.  Adam and I had the exact same reaction: meh.  It was not that much fun, fairly stupid and kind of made me sick.  There is no reason to ever ride it again.  I still cannot figure out why pizza was flying at me in 3D or how we ended up on the moon.  Perhaps if I watched the Tonight Show I would have enjoyed it more, but I highly doubt that.  I just hope it does not ruin or destroy his brand.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | April 5, 2017

This Week in Bacon

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Hey kids,

It is time for This Week in Bacon.  This week’s bacon is Oscar Mayer Naturally Hardwood Smoked Thick Cut.  As with most bacon it is simply amazing.  As avid readers know I am open to all sorts of bacon with the exception of Publix brand.  That stuff is bacon in only the thinnest sense of the word.  So I stay away from that stuff, but anything else is fair game and worthy of a try.

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I also want to tell you how upset/annoyed I am by the change in my 6 PM Sportscenter.  I still love my Sportscenter AM as I work out at the gym.  For years I have watched Pardon the Interruption at 5:30 on ESPN followed by Sportscenter at 6:00 which, for a very long time, had been hosted by Lindsay Czarniak.  Late last year Lindsay went on maternity leave and I was looking forward to her return, but it never happened.  It may have had something to do with naming her child “Sibby”, but I cannot confirm that.  She is still with the network though as she recently covered the Special Olympics in Austria.

Lindsay

In any case ESPN announced that the new hosts of Sportscenter would be Jemele Hill and Michael Smith.  At first I was very excited because I really like both of them, though I get tired of Jemele’s “Rah, rah Michigan State” rants.  I want my ESPN sportscasters to be a tad bit more neutral.  That aside I think they are both great.  However the show sucks. Let me tell you why.

I was truly expecting the two of them to be Sportscenter co-hosts in the traditional sense. One would start with one story and then the other would follow with a different story. Perhaps there would be some brief, witty banter before commercials.  It’s what I want from the show; a recap of the days action followed by a preview of what is coming up that night and perhaps the upcoming weekend should there be some sort of big event. But no, what we got is a true mess.  They talk incessantly.  You get, perhaps, a highlight or two during the show.  This is not good.  Then they have the world’s worst and most obnoxious music blaring in the background.  Some athlete comes in and is interviewed and more often than not it is someone I do not care about in the least.  It’s enough to make me turn the channel and by golly it does.  I am begging you ESPN; keep the hosts and revamp this disastrous format.

In other bacon news I purchased some bacon jam at Trader Joe’s.  Tonight I will be making cheeseburgers covered in bacon jam.  I am very excited.

BACON-JAM

I am still in the process of becoming a minimalist.  I have gotten rid of a lot of junk and things that have been sitting in boxes for years.  I figured if I have not used it or even thought about it in the past five years I really don’t need it.

BTW, today’s bacon was awesome.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | March 30, 2017

Thursday’s Kibbles & Bits

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Hey kids,

Did everyone have a great #BaconWednesday?  I certainly hope so.  I get letters every week from people asking what kind of bacon I have each week.  So I’m starting a new segment called “This Week in Bacon”.   This week I had a delicious Hormel Black Label Original Bacon.  I really would like to see a bacon truck in the neighborhood.

I know you are wondering why I have named this entry after dog food and I will tell you.  This is one of those blogs in which I give random thoughts and I had just randomly thought of Kibbles and Bits so I am sure you can deal with it.  Let’s get started shall we?

Last night’s episode of Survivor was just epic.  I loved the way Debbie went crazy and essentially created her own reality.  I also like the way that she suddenly morphed into doing push ups and somehow declared that if she was voted out then all of her clothes would go to Hali.  It was so bizarre and I loved it.

When I am traveling and checking for WiFi I see some interesting names.  One that I see way too often that is not the least bit interesting is “FBI Surveillance Van”.  Stop it.  If this is you please change it immediately.  It is stupid.  Absolutely no one believes that the FBI would use that as their WiFi name because they wouldn’t.

I have never seen a Fast and/or Furious movie and I never will.  I still can’t believe they keep making these.

I’ve never seen The Karate Kid or any of its sequels.  I was almost forced to watch it once, but I lucked out and the VHS copy would not work.  I truly believe that was a blessing from the movie gods.

a7319a083fb87a5ef14a118c218a35baThis tweet from Chrissy Teigen to Fox “News” is my new favorite tweet of all time:

“I respectfully ask you please don’t ever tag me in anything, ever. Words cannot explain how much I detest you.”

Words cannot express how much I detest Fox “News” either.  When I see someone at the gym watching it I figure they are either a complete idiot or have no idea how to change the channel.

I really do not care that the Raiders are moving to Las Vegas, however the move seems kind of dumb to me.  There are a whole lot of things to do in Vegas; not so much in Oakland.  And what about the lame duck status of the Raiders in that town?  Why would you go and support a team that is deserting you in two years?  That said, I desperately need to return to Vegas and I have no intention of attending a football game when I am there.  Anyone want to go?  I’m ready!

Dear Guy on Motorcycle weaving behind me wanting me to go faster: If I go faster I will hit the guy in front of me so chill out asshole.  You will get where you are going eventually.

There are approximately 4200 religions in the world.  I refuse to believe that 4199 of them are wrong.  Every time I see people handing out bibles on a street corner I wonder how they would react if someone stood on the opposite corner handing out copies of the Quran.  Despite the fact that we have religious freedom, based on how ape shot they get over a red coffee cup or someone saying “Happy Holidays” I am pretty sure they’d bitch and moan about it.

Each morning I wake up wondering if could hate Drumpf more than I already do.  The answer is always yes.  I do hate that POS more every day.  There are also 62 million people in this country that I have no respect for and pretty much despise.  I don’t care if you are my oldest friend; I don’t like you.

We used to be a respected nation.  Now we are the laughingstock of the world.  We may never recover.

I do not wish disease or death on anyone.  That said, if Drumpf were hit by a bus and then thrown off a cliff I would not shed a tear.

A couple of weeks ago I walked in a Walk of Peace and met these two wonderful women.

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They also went to the Women’s March in DC in January.  These are the kind of people that make me proud.  These are the kind of people that get my respect.  These are the real Americans.

Namaste

 

 

 

Posted by: lylescott89 | March 9, 2017

Welcome Back Survivor

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WARNING: This blog entry contains spoilers of the season premiere episode of Survivor Game Changers.  Proceed at your own risk.

Hey kids,

Why in the world did we have to wait so long for this season of Survivor to begin?  Well it was dues to a show called Hunted being pushed by CBS.  I did not watch Hunted and have not spoken to anyone who has, but it looked awful.  Anyway we finally got the premiere episode and while this will not be a recap like I used to do, I do want to share a few thoughts.

For those who do not know I am a Survivor junkie.  I have watched it from the beginning and have not missed a season yet.  I have seen every episode and I have watched every reunion show except for one; Season 28.  I skipped that reunion show after the winner was revealed because I absolutely hated him.  That was Tony and yes, he was back this year though fortunately not for long.

SURVIVOR

When Jeff announced the Game Changers plan last fall I was less than enthused.  I have always been the type that preferred a new cast as opposed to returning players.  Plus the returning players included three winners (well technically four since Sandra has won twice) and several players making their third or fourth attempt at winning this game.  I really would like to see the maximum appearances by any one person set at two.  In addition there are a few players this season that I simply cannot stand.

It was absolutely thrilling to see Tony voted out in just the second Tribal Council.  I hated that guy the first time around and he came out this time simply acting insane.  Why would anyone have given this nut another million bucks?  Tony ran around making silly noises and made a sorry ass attempt at making an “underground spy shack”.  So to see Tony go quickly was quite the blessing for me.  But who else bugs me?  (And for the record when Ciera was voted off first I, along with the rest of the Survivor fan based, simply shrugged. Meh.)

  •  Cirie – I was kind of indifferent to Cirie the first time she was on.  I did not like her the second time at all and I despised her on her third try.  Why is she back?  I don’t know because like most of the people on this edition I really cannot figure out what they did to make a game change.
  • Ozzy – I hated him the first, second and third time he was on.  I cannot stand this guy and although he is a good competitor, I find him to be a boring person.
  • Brad – Now I realize that he played for the Bucs and I was certainly okay with him then because I never had to listen to him talk.  Plus this guy is a successful attorney with his picture on billboards all over this area.  I don’t think he needs a million dollars and it just bugs me when a rich, white guy gets a chance to get wealthier.  But, that’s pretty much the American way I guess.  Go Canada!

I am happy to see Debbie back though she was hardly a game changer.  She was just, and still is, a crazy lady on the island.  I’d like to see her and Coach get together to see who wins the crazy contest.

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Hali is on the show is so is Sarah.  If someone could please remind me who these people are and what they did that would be great.

And how exactly is Caleb on the show?  His claim to fame is passing out last year and being medically evacuated.  That’s a game changer?  And did anyone else, besides me, start to cringe when he started digging in the sand during that challenge?

Despite the fact that I was not all that thrilled with the idea of this season I did think that the two hour premiere was spectacular.  You had a bunch of people that kind of knew each other desperately trying to figure out how to play the game.  Do they do what worked in the past or do they try another method.  It was interesting.

The challenges were good and as expected, Jeff always looked at the ground while saying “come on in guys”.  I don’t know why, but I love that.  What the heck is he looking at?

ciera

I still want to see a season of Survivor featuring only former contestants that were the first ones to be voted off in their respective seasons.  Who would not want to see the return of Sonja Christopher and her ukulele?  I can dream I suppose.

So onward with this season.  We already have a tribal change coming up next week and it appears they are going to three tribes of six each.  Fun times ahead.

Oh and I hope everyone had a wonderful #BaconWednesday.

Namaste

 

 

Posted by: lylescott89 | February 27, 2017

And the Oscar Went to…

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Hey kids,

I really wish we could have had a Moonlight moment on election night last year.  Oh how much better off we would be in this country.  I do want to clear up a couple of things regarding the “whoopsie” at the end of the night before I talk about the show and how I almost got al of my predictions correct.  It was not Warren Beatty’s fault nor was it Faye Dunaway’s.  No, this gaffe is clearly on the accountants.  There are always two envelopes for each category and they are handed out on either side of the stage and for whatever reason they were handed the wrong envelope.  Emma Stone’s award had already been given out and that envelop should have been set aside.  It was not. But no matter how or why it happened it was certainly interesting to see how it was handled and I think all parties handled it well.  I particularly like the comment from La La Land producer Fred Berger; “We lost, by the way — but, you know,”.

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But let’s talk about the show.  I think this was one of the best Oscar telecasts in years and I do not say that lightly.  The show started on a very sour note for me with a song and dance number from a guy I just simply despise; Justin Timberlake.  The song was awful and sounded like every other piece of popular crap that is out there today.  My gosh I hate modern music.  What the hell happened to music?

89th Annual Academy Awards - ArrivalsOkay, let’s put the grumpy old man away for a bit.  I thought Jimmy Kimmel did a spectacular job hosting the show.  He was funny, he was topical and he made a long show go by fairly quickly.  I was never bored despite the fact that I had little to no interest in most of the nominated films.  I will say I liked the bit with the candy dropping from the ceiling, but he did it one too many times.  Bringing the people in from the bus tour, whether staged or not, was fun though it appeared to me that Denzel Washington could not have been less interested in being involved.  I enjoyed the mean tweets and I absolutely loved his all night feuding with Matt Damon.  I particularly liked his spoof of the otherwise dreadful features that had current stars ruminating about movies and actors they liked.

Let’s talk about that for a second.  As much as I like Charlize Theron I could not have hated that segment where she went on and on about Shirley Maclaine more if I tried. Same with Javier Bardem and the “overrated” Meryl Streep.  (F*** you Drumpf.  My gosh I hate you) The Seth Rogen one was at least kind of funny, but the spoof with Kimmel commenting on Damon’s performance in that zoo movie was hilarious.  (Favorite line: “You can see how hard Matt is working. It’s so effortful for him.”)

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Overall I think he did a great job and I hope they will invite him back.  What I did not like was something that is fairly typical of all Oscars hosts; the fact that the host seems to disappear in the last 30 – 45 minutes of the show.

So what else did I like and dislike?  Well I did not find many of the gowns to be all that flattering.  I did not like Emma Stones gown at all and what the hell was Janelle Monae thinking?  Nicole Kidman looked awful too, but don’t even get me started on Jessica Biel or Dakota Johnson.  Dakota now has the distinction of being not only unable to act, but she cannot dress herself either.  Sad.

Who was the best dressed woman of the night?  Well it was none other than the amazing Taraji P. Hensen.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Now let me share with you some of the best moments of the night including my favorite quotes.  Of course I like anything and everything that attacked Drumpf.  The best quote came from Gael Garcia Bernal:  “As a Mexican, as a Latin American, as a migrant worker, as a human being, I am against any form of wall that wants to separate us.”

89th Annual Academy Awards - Show

But the best moment of the night was when Anousheh Ansari, an  Iranian-American engineer and the world’s first space tourist, read a statement that Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi had written in case he won the Oscar for his foreign language film, The Salesman.  I will print that here for you now.

It’s a great honor to be receiving this valuable award for the second time. I would like to thank the members of the academy, my crew in Iran, my producer Alexandre Mallet-Guy, Cohen Media, Amazon and my fellow nominees in the foreign-film category.

I’m sorry I’m not with you tonight. My absence is out of respect for the people of my country and those of other six nations who have been disrespected by the inhumane law that bans entry of immigrants to the U.S.

Dividing the world into the “us” and “our enemies” categories creates fears. A deceitful justification for aggression and war. These wars prevent democracy and human rights in  countries which have themselves been victims of aggression.

Filmmakers can turn their cameras to capture shared human qualities and break stereotypes of various nationalities and religions. They create empathy between us and others. An empathy which we need today more than ever. Thank you.

But here’s the thing; those words along with common sense, compassion and equality fall on deaf ears when it comes to Drumpf and his idiotic supporters.  That is what is really sad.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I also enjoyed the speech from Viola Davis.  I don’t think she was all that surprised that she won, but her emotional speech was amazing.  Mahershala Ali’s speech was equally touching.  Emma Stone’s speech?  Meh.  Casey Affleck’s speech?  Bigger meh.

So in the end Moonlight won the award for Best Picture and in doing so ruined my perfect night.  As my son said each and every time La La Land lost an award “suck it La La Land”.

Namaste

 

Posted by: lylescott89 | February 21, 2017

My Annual and Probably Incorrect Oscar Picks

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Hey kids,

It is indeed that time of year again.  As we all know Oscar night is always my second Super Bowl Sunday of the year.  I love the movies and I love seeing them celebrated.  All the glitz, all the glamour and all the dresses make for a fun night for me.  Most of the time.

I cannot say that I that thrilled with this year’s best picture nominees.  I seriously think that there needs to be a way that every day people like me can get a say in the nomination process.  If it were up to me you would see Rogue One winning Best Picture and Felicity Jones would be taking home the Best Actress award.  Then you would see Ryan Reynolds winning Best Actor for Deadpool.  But it is not up to me and sadly it appears it never will be.  Sniff, sniff.

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With all that said let me just list the nominees for best picture and my thoughts on each one before I get to my annual predictions.

  • La La Land – Looks incredibly dull and I cannot ever imagine watching it
  • Moonlight – Never heard of it before it was nominated
  • Manchester by the Sea – Saw it.  Very powerful film. Worthy of a nomination.
  • Arrival – Saw it and enjoyed it.   Also worthy of a nomination.
  • Hacksaw Ridge – Barely heard of it before it was nominated.
  • Hell or High Water – Never heard of it before it was nominated
  • Hidden Figures – looks like an excellent film and I really want to see it.
  • Lion – Never heard of it before it was nominated
  • Fences – Looks depressing

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So here we have a slew of films that some people have seen, but most have not.  I have seen two of them and with that knowledge it is very difficult to predict a true winner.  But since this is my annual job I must do so.  So without further delay here are my Oscar predictions:

  • Best Picture: La La Land
  • Best Actor: Casey Affleck – Manchester by the Sea
  • Best Actress: Emma Stone – La La Land
  • Best Supporting Actor: Mahershala Ali – Moonlight
  • Best Supporting Actress: Viola Davis – Fences
  • Best Director: Damien Chazelle – La La Land
  • Best Animated Feature: Zootopia

So if I hate the idea of La La Land why did I pick it?  Well for one I think it will win.  I know at least two of the nominated films, if not three, are better however it seemingly is the one to beat.  Maybe I am wrong and it is a brilliant film and I would be enthralled if I watched it, but I cannot imagine being that bored.  Thus since I picked it for Best Picture I picked it for Best Director as well.

The Best Actor race was interesting to me.  I really want Casey Affleck to win simply because he is a likable guy and his performance was outstanding.  Plus Denzel has already won a couple of Oscars and while he probably will win I decided to go with a bit of an underdog.  Affleck’s role was of a deeply disturbed guy and Denzel’s role is seemingly similar so you really could go either way.

the-tightest-race-at-the-2017-oscars-is-best-actress-heres-who-could-win

Emma Stone should win the Best Actress award.  I really don’t know who can beat her. Despite the fact that Meryl Streep, the most accomplished and talented actress of our generation, has won several Oscars already (three) I would love to see her win just so I can hear her speech.  I do hope that Emma will add in some Drumpf bashing in her speech. actually I hope everyone gets up and says “Drumpf is a cluless POS”.  F you Drumpf!

Best Supporting actor should go to  Mahershala Ali.  Why?  Because that is an awesome name and I really want to hear the presenter say it.

Viola Davis will win Best Supporting Actress. End of story.  She has no competition.  This is the easiest race to call.  I will say that Michelle Williams was great in her role, but she has no chance.

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And for Best Animated Feature I went with Zootopia over Moana.  Both were excellent films, but I think in the end Zootopia was a little more fun and who doesn’t like fun?

So there you have it.  Expect a review next week of the show.  I am eagerly anticipating seeing Jimmy Kimmel host the awards.  I think he will do well.

Namaste

 

Posted by: lylescott89 | February 19, 2017

The Princess Bridge

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Hey kids,

Today’s entry is going to upset some people, however as usual I do not care.  You know how when someone offers you something and you say that you do not like it they then look at you like you are insane for not liking exactly what they like?  That’s essentially where we are going today.  I’ll tell you right now; I hated The Princess Bride.

There is a reason that I almost always decline an invitation to go to someone else’s home for dinner.  Number one I am not the least bit social and having to discuss the minutiae of every day life with people I have no interest in is interminable.  Number two I almost always dislike what I am being served. Case in point; years ago we went to someone’s home for dinner.  A plate was set in front of me with food that looked straight out of prison.  I began picking out every damn mushroom so I could at least eat some of it.  The woman asked me why I was picking out the mushrooms.  This seemed like the dumbest question since “was The Lion King based on a true story”.  Because I always pick out food I love and shove it to the side of my plate with disgust and lions obviously have a huge vocabulary.  So with all of that in mind let’s move on.

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The other night I finally took Donna to see Wicked.  It was not our first attempt and based on the horrendous traffic it seemed as though the Broadway gods were definitely against us.  But, we made it there in plenty of time and really enjoyed the show.  Bravo for Wicked!

Before the show began I was perusing the program and there was an ad in there for something so disturbing I could not believe my eyes.  No I am not referring to the Naked Magicians.  It is a show entitled “The Princess Bride: An Inconceivable Evening with Cary Elwes”.  To me, this sounded like the equivalent of a dinner consisting of nothing but mushrooms, beets and olives.  Listening to the guy from Twister wax poetically about a movie I could not stand is not something I would pay for.

In the fall of 1987 I was working one of the earliest of my many shitty jobs and as a recent college graduate with a completely worthless degree I had no idea my misery had just begun.  Donna showed me an ad in the paper for a new movie opening that day.  Back in those days it was easy to have never heard of a movie before it came out and based on the picture in the paper and the odd title I was intrigued.  Since I hated my job already and had virtually no money to speak of I of course said I would take her.  It was opening weekend and I was expecting a huge crowd.

We drove to the theater and there was a ton of open parking spaces.  We walked up to the box office and I said “two for The Princess Bridge please”.  The women behind the glass corrected me and said the movie was called “The Princess Bride” not bridge.  Obviously I misread the ad in the paper.  I asked Dona why she had not corrected me and she said she thought it was funny that I didn’t know the name.  I do have a tendency to add extra letters to TV shows and movies.  That’s why I have never watched Downtown Abbey.

We took our seats and looked around.  The theater was empty.  By the time the movie started there were about 15 more prepared to watch the film.  I had no idea that we were the unlucky ones.

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I truly am envious of this woman

I hated that movie.  It was the first time I was ever tempted to get up and leave during a movie.  However since I paid good money we stayed.  Neither of us liked the film.  It was long (actually only 98 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity) it was boring and it made no sense to either of us.  It was allegedly a comedy.  We did not laugh once.  I may have briefly chuckled, but I cannot verify that.  The whole theater was silent.  I suppose cinematically it looked okay, but the characters were not likable and overall it just sucked.  It was a film quickly forgotten by the two of us.  I honestly don’t remember one thing that happened in the film although I think there was a princess in there somewhere and someone may have had a sword.

Years later I noticed that people who likely never saw this thing in the theater loved it.  It became a cult classic of sorts.  People quoted it.  I had no idea what they were talking about.  There was an episode of The Goldbergs dedicated to it.  I was completely flummoxed.  How could anyone like this crap?  I realized I was just like the people that think I should like mushrooms or olives.  But instead of telling people that they should not like this garbage movie I just let it go.  I have never told anyone that they should dislike this movie.  I don’t get it, but then again I don’t understand the appeal of most vegetables.

So for you people out there that love this movie; good for you.  I saw it once, hated it and moved on.  I am glad Cary Elwes has a traveling show to keep him from going broke.  I wish I had a traveling show to keep me from going broke so he’s got me there.  If you are having a viewing party at your home please do not invite me.  However, if you are having a Plan 9 from Outer Space viewing party then please let me know.  I’ll bring my own food.

Namaste

Posted by: lylescott89 | February 15, 2017

You Voted for Drumpf and Now We All Must Pay the Price

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Hey Kids,

Happy #BaconWednesday one and all!  I have to tell you that the following entry was not written by me, but rather by Ben Mallicote.  I think it is brilliant and I highly recommend you take a few minutes to read it yourself.

Namaste

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You voted for Drumpf because Clinton was going to be in Wall Street’s pocket. Drumpf wants to repeal Dodd-Frank and eliminate the Fiduciary Rule, letting Wall Street return to its pre-2008 ways.

You voted for Drumpf because of Clinton’s emails. The Drumpf administration is running its own private email server.

You voted for Drumpf because you thought the Clinton Foundation was “pay for play.” Drumpf has refused to wall off his businesses from his administration, and personally profits from payments from foreign governments.

You voted for Drumpf because of Clinton’s role in Benghazi. Drumpf ordered the Yemen raid without adequate intel, and tweeted about “FAKE NEWS” while Americans died as a result of his carelessness.

You voted for Drumpf because Clinton didn’t care about “the little guy.” Drumpf’s cabinet is full of billionaires, and he took away your health insurance so he could give them a multi-million-dollar tax break.

You voted for Drumpf because he was going to build a wall and Mexico was going to pay for it. American consumers will pay for the wall via import tariffs.

You voted for Drumpf because Clinton was going to get us into a war. Drumpf has provoked our enemies, alienated our allies, and given ISIS a decade’s worth of recruiting material.

You voted for Drumpf because Clinton didn’t have the stamina to do the job. Drumpf hung up on the Australian Prime Minister during a 5pm phone call because “it was at the end of a long day and he was tired and fatigue was setting in.”

You voted for Drumpf because foreign leaders wouldn’t “respect” Clinton. Foreign leaders, both friendly and hostile, are openly mocking Drumpf.

You voted for Drumpf because Clinton lies and “he tells it like it is.” Drumpf and his administration lie with a regularity and brazenness that can only be described as shocking.

Let’s be honest about what really happened.

The reality is that you voted for Drumpf because you got conned. Drumpf is a grifter and the American people were the mark. Now that you know the score, quit insisting the con-man is on your side.

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Posted by: lylescott89 | February 13, 2017

The Grammy Awards…Actually Just the First 20 Minutes

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Hey kids,

Football withdrawal makes me do strange things.  First of all I spent time this weekend watching old Super Bowls on NFL Network.  That was bad enough, but then I decided that since I had nothing to do on Sunday I’d go to the gym.  I know!  Anyway I spent much of the day doing nothing and then finally went to the gym after dark.  I watched Sportscenter for a while and then 8 PM rolled around and whoever was on ESPN at the time said that he was going to watch the Grammy Awards.  I had 20 minutes left on the treadmill so I decided to check them out as well.

I have to tell you that I have rarely ever watched the Grammy’s and have never watched them in their entirety.  In fact I had to think to recall when the last time it was that I actually watched even a few minutes.   So I did a little research.  The only thing I can remember from the last time I even saw a few seconds of the Grammy’s was Eddie Vedder accepting an award (presumably for Pearl Jam) and him saying “I don’t know what this means.  I don’t think it means anything”.  Turns out that was the 1996 Grammy Awards and Pearl Jam had won for Best Hard Rock Performance for a song called “Spin the Black Circle”.  To my knowledge I have never heard that song.  But, thanks to Wikipedia I now know that it was a span of 21 years between viewings of the Grammy Awards and I do hope it will be another 21 before I see any of that dreadful show again.  I am going to tell you what I saw and complain about it at just the right amount.

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Adele

When I clicked over from ESPN to CBS I saw Adele.  I like Adele.  She has an incredible voice and she is easy on the ears.  She is an amazing talent.  She was alone on the stage singing “Hello” not to be confused with the song “Hello” by Lionel Richie or “Hello, Young Lovers” from the musical The King and I.  Anyway she was very good and I was in good spirits.

Before I go much further it is good to remember that I am completely out of touch with today’s music, aside from Adele and maybe one or two others whose names escape me.  Oh wait, I liked Amy Winehouse a lot, but then she died.  Damn.

Then James Corden came out to perform his monologue.  I do like him and if you go back and watch some of his old TV shows (such as Gavin & Stacey and The Wrong Mans; both brilliant) before he was a talk show host you are in for a treat.  However I was not all that impressed with his brief monologue.  During his time on stage the cameras were constantly cutting to people in the crowd.  My reactions were something like these:

“Oh she’s pretty.  I wonder who she is?”

“Who is that?”

“Who the hell is that?”

“Is that Samuel L. Jackson?  Why is he there?  Does he sing?”

“Who is that and what the hell is she wearing?”

“Oh wow she’s pretty too.  I wonder if she’s famous?”

So all in all I recognized one person in the crowd.  Not too shabby.

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Worst Fashions Ever

So then Corden introduced Jennifer Lopez; a woman I find immensely untalented, but quite attractive.  She was presenting the award for Best New Artist.  She read off the names and snippets of their music was played at the same time.  I had no idea who any of them were and all of the snippets sucked.  Though I will say that two of the women nominated were pretty.  I would have to Google to see who they were and I do not want to do that.  If I recall correctly (and I do not) there names were Moreno and Chelsea.  The award went to…Chance the Rapper.  I wondered to myself if somewhere out there in the music world there is a guy called Community Chest the Rapper.  He accepted his award, gave the award to God (or the credit, I don’t remember) and left the stage.

A woman named Paris Jackson came out next and I had no idea who she was either.  She had tattoos though if that helps.  She introduced the next performer and this was bizarre.

The man was called The Weekend and I can only imagine what his parents were thinking when they named him.  Before he came out on stage these two Cylons from Battlestar Gallactica appeared and the crowd went nuts.  I am not sure what they did, but I think they were playing some sort of instruments; quite possibly steel drums.  I have to say that The Weekend was okay I suppose, but no one I could ever listen to again.

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Hi, I performed with the Weekend.

Then they went to commercial by showing more people in the crowd I did not recognize and promoting a salute to George Michael and Prince later in the show.  I finished up on the treadmill and headed home.

I look forward to seeing another 20 minutes of the Grammy Awards at my next scheduled viewing in 2038.

Namaste

 

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