Posted by: lylescott89 | August 19, 2009

The Cow in the Gilligan Hat

Hey kids,

 

I am desperately trying to stay awake at work this afternoon and it is not easy.  I am so tired and bored that I am going out of my mind.  I may have dozed off a little while ago, but I have apparently recovered.

 

In order to try and pump myself up this afternoon I decided I’d get a soda with some caffeine in my system.  We have a lovely soda machine here that dispenses icy cold Coca-Cola products for a dollar.  However, I only had a twenty dollar bill.  I asked around for change, but was unsuccessful.  Normally I’d just drive over to the 7-11 in a situation like this, but my car is still at the repair shop.  It’s fixed, but I do not have a ride to go and get it until the end of the day.  So my only option was to head over to the deli in the main building and purchase a soda over there.

 

Many of you loyal readers will know that the deli has changed hands about a half a dozen times since 2002.  They do not have particularly good food and it is overpriced so I never even walk in the door to that place.  It had been a couple of years since I last bought a soda there, but I recalled that they had two sizes:  medium & large.  Now, what happened to the small I have no idea.  How can you have a medium if there is no small?  It makes no sense, but I recall the medium being $0.79 and the large was $0.99.  They also had bottles of soda in the fridge for $1.10.  Why $1.10 and not just a buck is way beyond my comprehension as well.  Again, that was a couple of years ago when I last bought a soda so I prepared myself for the price to have gone up slightly, but not too much since it was just a soda after all. 

 

I walked in to the deli and it felt a little odd, but it looked like nothing had changed in the past two years or so.  I went to the counter and was greeted by Susie, the owner of the deli.  Now, I do not know Susie, but she always wears a Gilligan hat with a flower embroidered on it.  To say she looks really stupid is an understatement.  I told her I wanted a soda.  The conversation went something like this:

 

Me:  May I have a soda please?

 

Susie:  What size?

 

Me:  I’ll guess I’ll have the large.

 

Susie:  Okay.  $2.75 please.

 

Me:  Excuse me?  I just want one.

 

Susie:  Yes.  $2.75.

 

Me:  I’m not paying $2.75 for a soda unless I am at Walt Disney World and have no choice.

 

Susie:  Well, it is 32 ounces and that’s the about the standard price for that size.

 

Me:  I can get a 44 ounce soda at 7-11 for $1.19.  How much is the small?

 

Susie:  $2.45.

 

Me:  That’s ridiculous.  How much are the bottles of soda?

 

Susie:  $1.71

 

Me:  You gotta be kidding me.  How can you charge so much for a soda?

 

Susie:  Our prices are very competitive.

 

Me:  Never mind.  I’ll just get a bottle of soda out of the machine for a dollar.  (She did not know I only had a twenty)

 

I walked out at this point.  Can you believe this cow?  She thinks that $2.75 is a competitive price for a soda?  Certainly if I was at a Bucs game or a Rays game I would jump at the chance to buy a soda for that price, but I was not at a game.  I was at a stinking little deli in a frakkin office park.  Is she insane?  She probably thinks mimes are amusing too. 

 

Here I was without a soda, but with my pride and my twenty.  I went to this guy we will call Jim, but not Jim the homophobe.  This is the nicer Jim of the office; however he is the one that accidentally shot himself when he was a police officer.  I asked Jim if he had change for a twenty and he said yes, but it was all in ones and he needed his ones for later.  Now, unless Jim was headed to a strip club after work I have no idea why he needed so many ones, but who was I to argue.  Jim kindly offered me a single to allow me to get my elusive soda which in turn woke me up which in turn led me to be able to write this little ditty for your entertainment.  You’re welcome kids.

 

Namaste.

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