Posted by: lylescott89 | September 25, 2009

Survivor Samoa: Where did that Crazy Lady Come From?

Hey kids,


Well, I’ll be darned.  We have a new incredible jerk in camp and his name is Ben.  Plus we have the world’s worst motivational speaker, Yasmin.  Put them together and you get racism and a lot of use of the word dude.  As always, I am getting ahead of myself, so let’s start at the beginning.


After a nice look at the beautiful scenery, we were stuck looking at Evil Russell on the beach with those shorts, the big belly and no shirt.  With him was Betsy from New Hampshire.  Betsy with the annoying accent that wants to make sure that Evil Russell knows that they do not trust each other, but they can still talk.  The writing was on the wall at this point folks.  Russell told her not to play with fire and then alluded that he was fire.  Shades of Coach once again.  Coach had the uncanny knack of naming himself something different each week and I think Evil Russell is of the same mindset.


Of course, we continued to focus on Evil Russell, although that would change for the better later in the show.  Evil Russell knows the game too well.  Evil Russell was convinced that somewhere hidden in camp was the individual immunity idol.  I thought he was nuts just looking in random spots, but Evil Russell found it and then somehow shoved it in his pants without anyone noticing.  He proceeded to quickly inform Jaison, because there is just no way possible that someone can find an immunity idol and then keep the secret to themselves.  It cannot be done and it has been proven over and over.  I hope Jaison learns fast that he is dealing with a snake and Evil Russell cannot be trusted.


Tree mail arrived and war paint had to be applied.  It was going to be a battle at the challenge, but I think it turned out to be a bigger battle than anyone thought.  Mike was blabbering about how he was going to prove himself in the challenge.  Overweight 62 year old men with funky hair rarely do well at challenges, but Mike was confident.  He was going to take on all those young whippersnappers and win for his team.  Keep dreaming Mike.


The challenge was a combo of reward and immunity.  It seemed simple enough:  there were three balls in the center of what looked like a basketball court from Gilligan’s Island.  Three would battle in the middle for the balls and toss them to team members standing on a platform who then had to toss them way across into the hoop.  It was like making half court shots with an oddly shaped ball.  I have to think this took a lot longer than the edited version we saw on TV. 


The battle began:  Foa Foa vs. Galu.  Who would be triumphant?  First, the men battled with the women on the platforms.  Evil Russell played brutally as did Erik.  It looked rough out there.  Someone took a 1-0 lead.  Then round two began and it was the ladies turn.  I have to say that it turned out just as I had hoped.  Girls grabbing and pulling each others tops off is what you want in any girl fight, unless of course you are watching a girl fight between Roseanne & Oprah.  Before I go any further I really want to know why they have to blur boobies on TV.  How does a random boob offend anyone?  Someone once asked me what I would say to my son if a boob was suddenly flashed on TV and he saw it.  I would say “son, that’s a boob.  And when you get older I hope you get to see whole lot more of them”. 


The women were having more than just a simple catfight; they were getting just a brutal as the men.  Shambo and her mullet were the most brutal.  After this round ended the score was now 1-1.  Jeff took a minute to give a warning to each team.  Jeff did not like what he was seeing and warned that the next person who gave another a cheap shot would be out of the challenge.  Now, I saw two or three cheap shots as the next round started, but Jeff said nothing.  Then, Ben decided he was going to kick Nice Russell in the leg to trip him.  Jeff yelled stop and Ben was ejected.  Ben’s teammates were forced to finish this round without him and they did not score and went behind 2-1.  Soon enough Galu won by a score of 3-1 and won the fishing gear as well as immunity.  Russell was told to select someone from his tribe to go and observe Foa Foa.  The key word her kids is observe.  Observe.  Not a hard concept to comprehend correct?  Well, Nice Russell chose Yasmin and her inability to understand the meaning of observe made for great reality TV.


But wait, here comes the Survivor medical team.  I know that because it said so on the screen.  Mike was not looking good, not like he ever did in the first place.  Nevertheless he now looked worse and it was determined he was suffering from a dangerously low blood pressure.  Mike was unable to continue in the game and was taken away in a helicopter.  Very cool ride those medics have.  So much for making your presence known in the challenge Mike.  Farewell.  Betsy now knew that the target was now on her back for tribal council.


After a walk back from the challenge, Yasmin came into the Foa Foa camp and made her presence know.  I did a little searching online and was able to find a transcript of what she said, which is good because I did not write it down and then cursed myself afterwards for not doing so.  Mind you, these are her words and I think they come off funnier in print than when she said them if that is even possible. 


Yasmin said the following:


"I mean, if everybody would come closer, I’d like to introduce myself—tell you guys who I am and find out a little bit about you.  Okay, now, my name is Yasmin and I am a professional hair stylist.  I don’t know how you feelin’ about me but let’s just say I am not the enemy.  Not only that, I am here to help you guys strategize, because to me I don’t like a not fair fight.  It’s almost like, why be matched up with people that’s not matched up with the right people, because then it’s like taking candy from a baby.  Who the hell wants to do that? That don’t boost my self esteem. You know what I’m sayin’?  That make me seem like I really did something that was a cakewalk. Now don’t get offended, but personally, off the rip, I’ve noticed that strategy may be, um, something you guys are lacking. And I don’t know his name. What’s his name right here? Ben? I would like to talk to you in private about stuff, for sure.


And did she ever talk to Ben.  All the while she was saying all of this all I could do was keep saying shut up Yasmin.  Shut your mouth.  Remember that stick that you said was up your butt at the beginning of the show?  Stick it in your mouth!  Stop it Yasmin!  But, it was too late and she could not hear me anyway.


Then it was time for the “private” talk with Ben.  Not really all that private when you are yelling so much that everyone can hear you. Ben proved to me that he was scum by making racist statements and referring to Yasmin as “ghetto trash”.  He also told her to eat a ketchup sandwich and drink Kool-Aid and while I am not exactly sure what that means I know it does not sound good. 


Back at Galu Shambo, after bragging about her fishing skills, went fishing.  She came back with…absolutely nothing.  In fact, on her way back she stopped off and had a soak in a muddy pond.  My did that look refreshing.  I addition, she returned with less than what she left with.  Somewhere in the muddy pond she lost the mouthpiece to the snorkel.  Did you bother checking in your mullet Shambo?  But it gets better:  Shambo had good news and bad news.  Of course, the bad news was that she caught nothing and lost the mouthpiece, but the good news was so good she could hardly hold it in.  Shambo told them all that there were a lot of fish in the Ocean.  Can you even imagine?  Whoda thunk it?


Back at Foa Foa we had hammerin’ Ben all night long.  That, along with his cocky attitude, getting thrown out of a challenge and ever present racism should have easily gotten him the boot.  However, we should never underestimate the minds of stupid people. 


At tribal council Foa Foa said that they were coming together.  Really?  With all the bickering and in fighting and stupid voting tactics you all think you really have it all together?  Good for you guys, but we are seeing something completely different.  Ben continued to act cocky at Tribal Council.  When confronted by Jeff about the tripping incident Ben said he did not realize they were playing by Jeff’s “sissy rules”.  Atta boy Ben, keep up with the manly crap.  It’ll be back to bite you in the butt eventually.


In a clean sweep, Betsy was ousted.  Not sure why that decision was made other than she was 47 years old.  Now, since I am getting close to that age, I can’t really refer to that as being old.  Betsy was playing hard and tough and other than making Evil Russell mad she did nothing to annoy anyone else.  Again, the stupidity of these people boggles my mind.


That’s really it kids for this week.  I am looking forward to next weeks episode when maybe, just maybe, once of these cretins will get voted off.  Until next time kids…





  1. Prerequisite to be a contestant on Survivor – Stupidity. Apparently they must test for that.

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