Posted by: lylescott89 | November 13, 2009

Survivor Samoa: Go Scratch Yourself

Hey kids,

 

Remember what a dumbass Erik was last week?  Well, he has plenty of company in that category now.  What an exciting week we had in Samoa.  As always, we must start at the beginning.

 

Our episode began with the incredibly hot Natalie prancing around in her tiny little bikini.  Oh my gosh is she hot and sexy.  Natalie stumbled across a rat having a snack of some sort.  She froze in her tracks and found herself a big stick.  She would not kill that little rat would she?  It is amazing what hunger will do to a hot babe in a bikini.  Natalie smashed the little rat on the head, scooped it up in a coconut shell and brought the thing back to camp as if she was a little kitty with a bird in her mouth.  My favorite part of all this, besides the bikini, was Natalie apologizing to the rat for killing it.  It was a very touching moment.

 

Back at camp Natalie was met with cheers and adoration for this one measly rat.  The rat was quickly cooked and consumed which led Natalie to another brilliant statement:  tastes like chicken.  Really?  That’s the best she could come up with?  Natalie, you are forgiven for this overused cliché because of your incredible hotness.

 

On to the reward challenge!  This challenge included arranging big sticks with painted coconuts in such a way to form a four digit number.  The number would then be shouted out to a blindfolded tribe mate who would then use her sense of touch to get these numbers in the right order on some sort of tumbler to unlock it and raise a flag.  The tribe was spilt into two teams to do this.  One problem though, there were 11 castaways left.  After they drew randomly to decide teams, our lovely Natalie was left to sit and watch.  But, Jeff offered up a twist for our favorite Hottie.  Natalie was to choose a team to root for and if they won she would accompany them to the reward.  And what was this reward?  A trip to a giant natural rock water slide plus fried chicken and brownies.  Nice reward.  As the teams were split, somehow all the old Foa Foa ended up on one tribe.  So, since Foa Foa always sucked at everything it was obvious that Natalie should play the odds and play the team that was full of old Galu members.  Oh Natalie, why?  Why, why, why did you choose the old Foa Foa tribe to cheer for?  The sight of you in that little bikini sliding down that hill was already floating through my head, but it would not be so.  The old Galu team won which was not so bad because we got to see Kelly and Monica sliding into the water.  To me it was kind of like ordering a cheeseburger with cheddar cheese and then having the waitress tell you that all they had left was Swiss.  It’s still a mighty fine tasting cheeseburger and will be thoroughly enjoyed, but it’s not what you wanted.  On a side note, the challenge proved to be fun to watch as we got a couple of lovely shots of Monica’s magical ass.  Thank you producers!

 

Here’s where things started going haywire and our first use of the word dumbass came to mind.  As we watched our former Galu friends frolicking in the water and enjoying the chicken and brownies, a clue was found.  Natalie read it and it revealed that there was a hidden immunity idol back at their camp.  We cut back to camp to see Russell looking for the dang thing.  Was anyone else bothering to look for it?  Of course not.  No one on Survivor ever learns anything until it is way too late.  There is no way that Russell could actually find another one without a clue, could he?  Yes, he could and he did.  Two searches, two idols.  Russell is batting a thousand.  It does not take a lot of brains to know that there was going to be another idol at camp.  It also does not take a lot of brains to know that Russell would be looking for it since everyone already knew he had found one already without a clue.  But did anyone take the time to look for it or follow Russell around?  Of course not.  Why would they?

 

But my favorite part of this was this quote from Russell: "I’m gonna find the next immunity idol and I’m not gonna tell a damn soul."  Well, that lasted about 30 seconds.  Russell made a run directly for Shambo to let her know of his latest find.  This is where things got ugly.  Very ugly.  No, there was no fighting or bickering or anything like that.  What we did have was Shambo scratching herself for an extremely uncomfortable amount of time.  I’m a guy and I have never scratched myself for that long.  This and Shambo’s shorts riding up on her was quite a sight.  If you missed it don’t even try to watch.  I had to avert my eyes while all the time screaming “My eyes!  My eyes!”  It kind of reminded me of getting a first glimpse of the Elephant Man. 

 

As Shambo continued to scratch herself and Russell could not stop blabbering about the idol I got to thinking how many others Russell would share the news with.  I figured he would tell everyone or at the very least he would tell the old Foa Foa tribe, which he did.  Shambo continued to scratch.  In fact, I am guessing she is still scratching right now.

 

On to the immunity challenge!  Tonight’s challenge was to see who could scratch themselves the longest.  No, sorry about that.  The challenge was the old take a grappling hook, grab two bags with a block in them and the first three to do so would get to the immunity finals.  Shambo stopped scratching long enough to get there and was joined by Mick & Laura.  The immunity challenge was to find the right spot on a wall to stick in a peg which would in turn drop another peg, which would lead you to find the spot for that peg, etc.  You get the idea.  Shambo and Mick had a fairly big lead on Laura as Laura struggled to untie the bags.  By the time Laura got hers out of the bags, Shambo got

An itch and began scratching herself and Mick started staring as if he was hypnotized.  Laura sped through this challenge like a woman possessed and she easily won.

 

Now, you recall last week when the stupidity of the old Galu members led them to vote out one of their own instead of beginning to pick off the old Foa Foa one by one?  Well now it was time to do that and Russell was the first target.  Monica said she thought splitting the vote to ensure at least one of theirs went away was a good idea.  Yes, Monica that is a good idea, but you no longer have the numbers advantage to do that.  When you had eight you could.  Now you have seven and you can’t unless you can sway one of them to join you and it did not even look like you tried.  No matter as Dave quickly pooh-poohed that idea.  Dave was clearly in dumbass mode this week.  Dave said that he’d be surprised if Russell suspected a hidden idol was around camp.  Really Dave?  Surprised?  Are you kidding me?  This is Russell we are talking about.  Russell, the guy that needs no clues and oddly enough is not clueless.  Russell is the guy you love to hate, but again, he is playing the best game of all of them right now.

 

The old Galu stood there on the beach and then mentioned the idea of getting rid of Natalie.  Russell overheard this is it made him think a little, which was like the first time since 1997.  This led to my favorite quote of the night from Russell: "I don’t want to be the dumbass that gets voted out with the idol in his pocket. And I don’t want to be the dumbass that uses the idol and then nobody votes my name, like last time."  Good point Russell, but unless something goofy happened Galu would be writing your bane down very shortly.

 

Once at tribal council, Dumbass Dave defended his tribes’ decision to get rid of Erik while Erik sat there and fumed.  Dave said that the tribe was weakened for having Erik there.  Really Dave?  You want to say something like that in front of someone who down the line will have the ability to decide whether or not you get a million bucks?  Stupid move, but was Kelly calling Erik a snake any better? 

 

The old Galu was down to seven.  The old Foa Foa was holding strong at four.  Shambo was still scratching, but it was clear that Shambo had clearly aligned with the old Foa tribe.  If the old Galu tribe lost somebody, they would essentially be down to a five all tie.  Not good when you want to pick them off one at a time.  See, I told you start last week.

 

The votes were made and Jeff was getting ready to read them.  Russell played his idol and you could clearly see that Monica and Dave were shocked out of their minds.  They knew they screwed up and now it was time to wait and see which of them was going home tonight.  Russell and his gang had targeted Kelly in the absence of the chance to eliminate Laura, who is kryptonite to Russell simply for standing up to him.  As the votes were read, Jeff pulled one vote after another for Russell.  Then, finally, a vote for the luscious Kelly.  She knew it was game over for her.  Why Russell?  Why pick Kelly instead of someone who was a bigger threat and much less sexy and cute?  Why not Dave?  No point in going on with it, Kelly is gone and never to return, except to the jury.  I’ll have to say I’ll bet she cleans up nicely.

 

There you have it kids.  Russell “ain’t done yet” according to what he said at Tribal Council.  Very true as there is a lot more Survivor to come.  Stay tuned kids.

 

Namaste

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