Posted by: lylescott89 | July 22, 2010

Colorado Part XI: The Long Journey Home

Hey kids,

It was time to head home after a lovely trip.  I was anxious
to return, but I must admit the whole idea of returning to work made me want to
Ralph all over the airport.  I did, however, refrain from doing such a yucky

The flight from Colorado Springs to Houston was uneventful, but
cramped as it was a really small plane once again.  We arrived in plenty of time
for the next flight so I was able to stop and get myself a little snack of a
bagel dog while I waited for my connecting flight.  Well, as it turns out I had
time for a lot more than a bagel dog.  I could have sat down and had a full four
course meal and still had plenty of time to get on the plane. 

As I
arrived at the gate I saw a lot of people hanging around and no place to sit. 
There were oodles of people standing too.  It was like a logjam at this gate as
people were having trouble just walking past.  I have no idea why there were so
many people hanging around, but it was annoying.  As I waited and waited I got
more restless.  The time to board came and went without any announcement.  10
minutes passed, 15 minutes passed, etc.  You get the idea.  Finally they
announced they were starting to board still without giving any reason for the
delay.  I was able to get on the plane rather quickly as I was seated near the
back of the plane.

I arrived at my aisle seat and immediately knew there
would be trouble.  Two elderly fat women seated at the window and in the
middle.  The lady in the center seat looked at me with disgust when I politely
asked her to mover her stuff out of my seat.  I sat down and had virtually no
armrest to use on my left side.  It was horrid as they smelled like they had
been eating onions and garlic all day long.  It was going to be a miserable
flight, but I got solace in knowing that it was a fairly short flight.  Boy was
I wrong on that one!

We waited at the gate for the plane to back up. 
Then we waited some more and then still more.  The captain came on and told us
there was a mechanical problem and they were getting someone to fix it, but it
would be a while.  He was not kidding about that.  What he did not know is that
I was seated next to two elderly women that decided they needed to bitch about
it for the next 90 minutes.  They complained constantly.  They got the flight
attendant and very rudely complained about how they did not want to sit there
and how this was very inconvenient for them.  The flight attendant sarcastically
responded that she was so happy to be sitting here on the ground waiting to
leave.  Since she did not seem to care about their plight they got another
attendant.  She said there was nothing that could be done.  Then the bitches
said they wanted to get another flight in the morning and be put up in a hotel
for the night.  I begged the flight attendant to do this.  I told her that they
had been flying all day from Seattle and were diverted to San Antonio before
finally getting to Houston.  I explained how the older of the two ladies was
diabetic and needed something to eat.  She said she’d get a rep from the airline
to talk to them.

30 minutes later the airline rep finally arrived.  Now
by this time I had heard the Seattle saga and diabetic story about 50 – 60
times.  I tried to avoid it with my headphones, but they just kept bitching.  In
addition the baby sitting one row behind us had gotten pretty tired to listening
to them as well and started crying very loudly.  Anyway, the airline rep came
and asked the ladies what they wanted.  They reiterated the fact that they
wanted another flight in the morning.  The rep said she could do that without a
problem.  Hallelujah I exclaimed to myself.  I will get rid of these cows and
have three seats all to my lonesome.  Then the shoe dropped.  The rep explained
that the plane should be able to leave in another 30 minutes and if it did leave
tonight then the airline would not pay for their hotel room.  That’s when the
fireworks began.  The old goats started in again on their Seattle/diabetic coma
story and demanded that the airline pay for a hotel.  The rep somehow remained
calm through all of the shouting and again said that she would arrange a place
to stay, but if the plane takes off the cost will fall to them.  Again this set
off the grannies and they asked for the reps name (which was Maria) and said
they would be writing a letter to the airline demanding a complete refund and
complaining about how they have been treated.  Maria said they could do that and
handed the old cronies her card.  Maria asked one more time if they wanted a
hotel room arranged for them and as I mumbled “please say yes” under my breath
they decided to wait out the 30 minutes to see what happened.  Now I was begging
the plane not to be ready in 30 minutes so these two would leave, but alas the
plane was ready to start taxiing to the runway 25 minutes later. 

By this time the left side of my body was covered in sweat from
being so close to the stinky cow.  All I could hope for was a quick takeoff. 
Suddenly the captain came on and said that we were 17th in line for takeoff. 
DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We were finally in the air about 45
minutes later.  Do you think that the old bags could stop complaining during
that time?  Of course not!  They went on and on and on.  Of course I also had to
get up three times to let these two out for bathroom breaks.  Next time wear
your Depends!

When the plane mercifully landed I was so hot and sweaty I
looked like I had run a 1/8th of a mile.  (Hey, it does not take much to get me
exhausted kids)  When the plane came to a full and complete stop I jumped out of
my seat, grabbed my bags and waited for the crowd in front of me to clear.  I
was a bit mean at this point as I made sure that my stuff was in the way so the
old goats could not get up.  I think the one at the window had slipped into that
diabetic coma anyway so no big deal.  As the crowds parted I zipped off that
plane as quickly as I could.  It was after midnight on a flight that should have
arrived two hours earlier.  The fresh air in the deserted airport felt so good
that I almost dropped to the ground weeping.  The air cooled me down almost
instantly.  It felt so good.  I made my way to the tram to get to the baggage
claim and my bag was there waiting for me.  I hope she had a better flight than
I did.  I never saw the two old ladies again and with any luck I never will. 

So that’s it kids.  My entire trip in 11 easy parts.  I hope you enjoyed
it and I apologize that it took so long to write, but please remember I do have
a few other things to do.  Not many, but a few. 




  1. You were better behaved than me…do not like smell, fat, or people who complain. I am proud of you Lyle. I proably would have lost my cool or cried.

  2. Wow! I cannot believe you did not say anything to those women. I would have fussed at them and told them that I was tired to listening to the complain. This, I have no problem doing. I must say that I enjoyed the blogs. I feel as if I too had a wonderful vacation in Colorado. I can’t wait to see what adventures you will have next.

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