Posted by: lylescott89 | September 16, 2010

Survivor Nicaragua: Meet the Conquistador

Hey kids,

I am fresh off a victory celebration where I was able to win a
debate over hatred and lies and I feel darn good about it.  So with that behind
me now I can concentrate on taking care of something that you kids have been
asking for and that is a return to my Survivor recaps.  I preface this by
telling you that there will be spoilers in this so if you have not watched last
night’s episode yet proceed at your own risk.

Survivor: Nicaragua marks
the 21st season of one of my favorite shows and in my opinion we are off to a
great start.  With Jeff looking as dapper as ever alone out on a rock in the
ocean our season began.  Our two tribes met on the beach, but wait!  It’s a
trick!  I mean, we knew what was going on but the castaways did not.  As the two
tribes met up on the beach Jeff was eager to inform them of a new twist this
season called The Medallion of Power.  Jeff let them know that the medallion was
hidden somewhere nearby and the first person to find it would win it for their
tribe.  What would it do?  That was a mystery.

Quickly both tribes
started running around looking for it.  The incredibly cute Brenda spotted it up
in a tree and began to climb and retrieve it.  She put it on and returned to
their mats when they were treated with the surprise of them not being in their
tribes yet.  Oohs and aahs commenced along with the obligatory shocked faces. 
Our two tribes were set as La Flor, which was all contestants 30 and younger and
Espada, which was all of the 40 and over contestants.  La Flor was given the
option of keeping the medallion of unknown power or trading it to the other
tribe for fire and fishing equipment.  This was a no brainer and it shocked me
that they had to think about it.  You don’t know what the advantage is from the
medallion, but you do know the advantage of fire and fish.  Ultimately they took
the flint and fish stuff and let the old folks take the medallion.

I also
want to say that them considering old to be 40 and over is ever so slightly
offensive to me.  I think I owe them a letter.

At this point in the
season it is often difficult to judge what kind of people we have in each tribe
because we do not get a lot of time with them.  20 people to try to get to know
in the first hour is just not possible.  At La Flor we were introduced to what
may be one of the least intelligent contestants we have ever seen.  Yes, I speak
of Fabio.  Fabio is the ultimate dumb guy.  Seeing him try to pick up a crab and
then get pinched was great.  The fact that he seemed shocked that it happened
was a really nice touch.  However, he really outdid himself when Kelly B.
revealed her prosthetic leg (which frankly was a surprise to no one except
Fabio) Yes, our newly crowned moron Fabio had the line of the night when he
asked her “how do you get it to move?”  

Now, Kelly B. later took off
her fake leg in order to go swimming.  Two things popped into my head as she
hopped into the water:
1. She reminded me of the one legged woman from the
donut store on My Name is Earl.
2. If Russell was there he would have grabbed
the prosthetic leg and thrown it into the fire. 

Kelly B. instantly
became a target because of her leg or lack thereof.  In their little interviews
each tribe member said they would be afraid to go up against her in the finals
because of the sympathy vote.  It’s tough to beat a woman with one
foot.

I must add that the producers did a heck of a job casting hot babes
this season.  Purple Kelly was easily my favorite, but former Dolphins
cheerleader Brenda was sexy too as was Yve from the Espada tribe. 

Speaking of Espada, kudos to Jane for being able to start a fire without
any flint.  It always amazed me that these people get on this show and never
learn how to make a fire before they leave home.  Good for Jane.  But, I would
be remiss if I did not give some time to former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson.  He is
certainly the biggest celebrity they have ever had on the show and seemingly
everyone recognized him.  I like the fact that he has been a fan since day one;
however, being a fan wouldn’t he know that this is much tougher than it looks on
TV?  I mean ralphing on night one is not what I expected from the coach and
analyst.  He did not look good when he was lying down, but seemed to heal pretty
well by morning.

Also in Espada we have Jimmy T., who is clearly one of
the least attractive contestants we have ever seen.  He’s also fairly annoying,
but not nearly annoying as goat framer Wendy.  She said she runs her mouth a
lot, but would try to stay quiet for the time on the show.  As we shall see,
that would not last long.

We also saw two girls, Alina and Kelly B.;
stumble across a clue to the hidden immunity idol.  Again, if Russell was there
the idol would have been found by now, but thankfully he is at home watching TV
this time.  The girls chose not to look for it right now and also chose not to
share the info with anyone and put the clue under the tree.  A word of advice
for Kelly B.: look for that idol and fight it soon.  Do not dilly dally.  Your
time seems short.  What got me was the ease of finding the clue.  It was just
sitting on top of the water barrel.  I wonder if the producers were trying to
hide it and the girls showed up unexpectedly and they had to quickly do
something.

Soon it was time for our first challenge and to this I say
lame.  Not that it was not fun to watch colored water flow down a pipe, but it
did not seem particularly difficult for them.  The tribes need to start off with
something physical, not flowing water and puzzle pieces.  Regardless, L Flor
strutted into camp with a little song and dance.  I must say the sight of Brenda
and Purple Kelly strutting in so sexily got me going.  Damn those are some hot
women.  Maybe not as hot as my Natalie from a couple of seasons ago, but hot
nonetheless.  Essentially the challenge consisted of guys holding pipes for
water to travel on from up high and filling a bucket.  Once the bucket was
filled a bag of puzzle pieces would fall and then it was make the puzzle time. 
Fabio was wisely not on the puzzle making team.

After they strutted in we
were introduced to our immunity idol for this season:  The Conquistador.  It
made me think of that old Procul Harum song and I hoped  that Jeff had a name
for him, bit alas he did not.  Maybe the tribe will name him.  In any case
having a Conquistador is pretty cool if you ask me. 

Jeff took the time
now to explain the Medallion to the tribes.  If used it would give the tribe an
advantage in the challenge.  However, once it was used by one tribe (in this
case Espada) it would be given to the other tribe to use next time.  Now, it
would make sense to me to use the dang thing every time you had it, but no,
Espada chose to hold on to it and use it at a more advantageous time.  What they
are waiting for I have no idea, but wait they did and it may or may not have
cost them the win.  They would have had one full pail of water dumped into their
bucket for a head start.  Since they finished so close to each other they would
have easily had a good two or three minute head start on the puzzle.  They did
not and ended up losing.  I do not think they will make the same mistake next
week.

Back at Espada camp it was time to start the strategizing.  Jimmy
J., who had earlier explained how no jury would ever give him a million bucks,
took the time to express the need to get rid of one of the two weakest players,
Wendy and himself.  That he included himself in this is certainly a strategic
move and we shall see if it works.  But, Jimmy T. started going on some tirade
that I still do not fully understand.  He started fighting to get his words out
and finally just had to disappear down the beach somewhere.  No genius there
either, but still smarter than Fabio.  As we left for tribal council we had the
feeling that either Jimmy J. or Wendy would be on their way out after just three
days.

It was a fairly typical opening tribal council until it was time
to vote.  That’s when Wendy just could not hold it in any longer and interrupted
Jeff and told him she would like to speak.  Big mistake.  One of the rules of
tribal is to keep your mouth shut and don’t dig yourself into a deeper hole, but
Wendy took that to the extreme by making herself look really stupid.  She
blabbered on and one for who knows how long as we clearly got the edited
version.  The most memorable thing she said was that she had no blisters on her
feet.  Other than that it was rambling endlessly about nothing and never once
attempting to explain why she was an asset rather than a liability, other than
the fact that she did not have any blisters on her feet.  It was painfully
obvious as she spoke that her goose was cooked and it was a clean sweep.  She
received every possible vote she could, except her own of course which went to
Yve.  Hey, you leave Yve alone.  She’s the only cute one on your whole tribe. 

So that’s my recap kids for week one.  Looks like we will have more
elderly follies next week plus something really bizarre at tribal council. 
Looks to be a fun season.

Namaste.

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Responses

  1. What I wand to know is how they came up with 40 & over and 30 & under? What’s up with that? Guess if you were playing you’d be stuck in the middle somewhere.

  2. I know. I’d be lost in the shuffle.

  3. At least we know there is no one aged 31 through 39 on Survivor this season. I LOVE Fabio. I do hope they keep him on as long as possible. He is hysterical. I liked him from the moment I read about him on the Survivor website. Yep, I knew he would be entertaining.

  4. Jimmy T is annoying, but I am amused by his incoherent babbling. Wendy frightened me. Jimmy Johnson needs to keep his mouth shut, or he will be next to go. I love the immunity idol. Nice to see something that is recognizable, as opposed to some scary/freaky tiki looking thing.

  5. The older (not old, just older, so I am not taking offense) tribe needs to stop trying to prove something and use that damn medallion whenever they have it. Why hold on to it. Also, they need to let Jane run the show. She seems to be the only one on that tribe with any sense. As for the other tribe, they all seem pretty useless, but the fact that they are younger will give them the physical advantage.


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