Posted by: lylescott89 | October 4, 2010

I Once Had Cat Scratch Fever

Hey kids,

A little while ago I felt a little pain in my left arm and an urgent need to scratch.  So before I did so I took a look and saw what looked like the scratch of a cat, which would undoubtedly give me cat scratch fever.  This cat scratch is bizarre for a number of reasons.

• I do not own a cat.
• I have not been around any cats today.
• I am allergic to cats.
• The wound is fresh.

So since there are no cats around me the question now switches from how did I get scratched by a cat to what the heck scratched me?  I have not been outside so walking by a branch or a bush is out of the question.  I don’t recall bumping into anything anyway so where the heck did this scratch come from?  It is a mystery that may never be solved, but it did remind me of a cat attack that I suffered when I was in college.

Over the summer one year I was involved in a youth group that did some wacky things.  The group planned a trip to the Chicago are to spend the day at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee. Ill.  Since I was all about roller coasters back then I was inclined to go.  I don’t recall the connection, but for some reason we were going up and staying at some girl’s house that somebody knew.  Now I do not recall where she lived or even who she was, but for some reason she was open to having a bunch of strangers come and spend the night at her house and then go with us to Great America.

After a delicious dinner at Giordano’s we went to her house where we found sleeping arrangements were not as cozy as promised.  We had three choices:

1. Sleep outside in a teepee.
2. Sleep inside on the floor.
3. Go somewhere else.

Well with my allergies to everything that is outside and my complete and utterly irrational fear of insects and spiders there was only one option and thus I camped out inside.  This led to another problem which was the cat.  I’d make a reference to That Darn Cat here, but this was actually more like That Frakkin’ Cat.  I told the girl, let’s call her Bonnie, that I was allergic to cats and that I could not be near him.  Bonnie explained that the cat, let’s call him Herman, normally slept in with her parents and said I should not be concerned.  Bonnie was wrong.  (and seriously, who has a teepee in their backyard that sleeps 20?)

As a precaution I went ahead and took an allergy pill prior to going to sleep.  I will say that her floor was less than comfortable and all I could think of was there had to be a couch or something I could us for sleeping, but I was stuck on the floor.  As I was lying on my back staring at the ceiling Herman decided to paw at the side of my face.  I jumped up because it scared the crap out of me.  Herman ran away, but I had a feeling he would be back.  I was also thinking that Herman hated me.  I was right.

A little while later Herman was back and scratched my arm.  A little later Herman climbed up on a coffee table and pounced on me.  I hated that damn cat.  I found it difficult to sleep with Herman in the house so I decided to lie there with my eyes open and keep a lookout for him.  I was Herman bounce up on the couch and then back on the coffee table.  He got himself perched on the corner and BOOM!  He pounced again.  Argh!

That was enough for me so I got up and went to the kitchen for some water.  Herman followed me and meowed at me as loud as he could.  Yes my friends, Herman hated me with a passion.  I tried to find some cat snacks to see if I could get him off my back, but he was not interested in that.  His only interest was to torment me.  I could not even bribe him with a snack.  I was doomed.  My only choice was to crawl back into my sleeping bag and hide.  It was warm, but I crawled all the way in there and hid.  Herman could not get to me for further scratches, but he gave it his best.  He continued to pounce until I moved away from a pounceable area and tried to scratch through the bag.  It was like being attacked by a small lion all night long.

In the morning when I awoke I was scratched and there was some blood, but I picked myself up, took another allergy pill and went for a shower.  (Don’t even get me started about how gross it was that no one that stayed in the teepee took a shower)  We went to the park and began our day of rides and shows.  I was so deprived of sleep thanks to Herman that I crashed out on a bench late in the afternoon and fell asleep.  Good thing I was not driving home.  However, the guy I was riding home with, let’s call him Brian, was not okay with me sleeping on the drive home.  He said he needed me to keep him awake so I did my best.  Unfortunately I was so deprived of sleep that I began to hallucinate.  This did not make Brian very happy particularly when I told him not to run over Little Red Riding Hood.  So we stopped and got some food and caffeine in me and that helped, but I was still beat.

I never saw the girl from the Chicago area again nor did I ever hear from her or Herman.  And yes, I did tell her how Herman tormented me all night so an apology might have been nice, but I never got that.  Still I think I made the better choice as opposed to sleeping in a 20 person tent that was packed.  If I was in the tent and needed to use the bathroom where would I have gone?



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