Posted by: lylescott89 | December 20, 2010

It’s the Holiday Season…

Hey kids,

Ah, the holidays.  What a wonderful time of year.  As we are now just a few days from Christmas I was mulling over some random holiday thoughts and so I share them now with you.

• It seems to me that year after year I hear all sorts of people saying that Christmas is not about the gifts, yet the malls are packed and commercialism runs rampant.  Why exactly is that?
• Another perennial question is why is it that so many people say that this is the time we need to think of those less fortunate.  Shouldn’t we do that all the time?  Aren’t the less fortunate that way all year round?What's so funny 'bout the way I talk?
• Rejected Christmas song #1:  Rudolph the Flatulent Reindeer
• Do republicans watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” and root for Mr. Potter?
• It disturbs me that two things happen the day after Christmas.
1. Thousands of unwanted items are returned
2. Mobs of people pack themselves into the malls to buy more stuff
• Rejected Christmas song #2:  Hark the Hair Lipped Angels Sing
• I love it when rich people thank God for having lots of money and nice stuff while others suffer with nothing.  It always sounds to me that they are thanking God for loving them more than other people.
• If I hear “Last Christmas” one more time this year I am going to have to hunt down George Michael and slap him silly.
• Rejected Christmas song #3:  I Saw Mommy Kissing Blitzen
• Does Santa enjoy venison?
• Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?  He sold his soul to Santa.
• Wouldn’t it be a better world if we all acted like we do at Christmas all year long?
• Rejected Christmas song #4:  Frosty the Yellow Snowman
• Linus was right.
• Why do people put giant inflatable penguins in their yards with Santa and his reindeer?  Penguins live at the South Pole, not the North Pole.
• If Santa were to land on Sarah “Pig” Palin’s roof would she shoot his reindeer?
• How exactly does one frolic and play the Eskimo way?
• It’s a shame that Hermey wanted to be a dentist and not an attorney.  I still think Rudolph had one heck of a discrimination lawsuit just waiting to happen.
• What the hell is wrong with that dolly on the Island of Misfit Toys?
• Rejected Christmas song #5: Do You Smell What I Smell?
• It should be illegal for anyone other than Darlene Love to sing “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”
• People always ask me what my favorite Christmas movie is.  For the record, it’s Die Hard.  My second favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard 2.
• Why is it that every year thousands of people are surprised that they must deal with lines at the airport at this time of year and are always ill prepared to deal with it?

Sorry, but I must cut this entry short.  I need to go hunt down George Michael.  Merry Christmas kids.

Namaste

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