Posted by: lylescott89 | September 16, 2011

We Don’t Make an Italian Philly

Hey kids,

Donna called me and asked me to join her for a lovely lunch at Diner 60 West.  They have one waiter there that drives me nuts and always gets our order wrong.  I call him Renaldo.  So, guess who waited on us today?  Yes, that’s my life.  Welcome to it.

Anyway, I ordered the chicken Philly, which is described in the menu as having cheese and grilled onions on it.  That’s all.  What I got was a chicken Philly with the onions and cheese, but also with marinara sauce and mushrooms.  Astute readers know that I detest mushrooms and no matter how many times you offer them to me I will not eat them.  I told this to Renaldo, who has a tendency to disappear for what seems like hours, and asked him if they made me an Italian Philly in error.  The exchange went something like this:

Me: Hey Renaldo, I think they made my sandwich wrong.  It has marinara sauce on it.  I think they made me an Italian Philly by mistake.

Renaldo: We don’t make an Italian Philly.

Me: But it’s listed in the menu…

Renaldo: We don’t make an Italian Philly.

Me: Well, this is gross.  It has marinara sauce on it and mushrooms.  It seems like an Italian…

Renaldo: We don’t make an Italian Philly.

Me: Yes, I understand, but this is not what I wanted.

Renaldo:  I take back to kitchen and have them make you new sandwich.  (And yes, that’s how he talks)

Me: Thank you.

After about 10 minutes Renaldo returned.

Renaldo: They made you wrong sandwich.  We don’t make an Italian Philly.

Me: Thank you.  This looks much better.  (And it was delicious despite the fact that the cook probably rubbed his butt on the Amoroso roll)

Still, this was not the kookiest thing that happened at lunch today.  As there were two ladies sitting at the table behind me and they were speaking a little too loud.  They had this exchange:

Renaldo: We don’t make an Italian Philly.

No, just kidding.  This is how it went

Woman #1: He took it out and it had to be at least two & 1/2 feet long.

Woman #2: Oh my gosh what did you do?

Woman #1: I screamed and jumped back. I did not want that thing near me.

But that still was not the kookiest thing that I heard and/or observed today.  No, it gets even stranger kids.  A man walked in wearing shorts that were way to short on him and a wife beater.  He sat down at the table with a woman and placed the menu in front of him.  After the menu was sitting on the table he placed both hands on the table palms up on the sides of the menu.  He then looked up and closed his eyes as if he was praying with the “get into my body Jesus” palms.  He began muttering.  The wife perused her menu and ignored him.  I could not understand what he was muttering, but when he opened his eyes and spoke to his wife I heard him clearly:  “He said to have a salad, but which one?”  He then put the palms back up, closed his eyes and began his muttering.  The wife wisely continued to ignore him.

My only guess in this is that the guy was praying for Jesus, or whatever deity he likes the best, to tell him what to have for lunch.  I’ve seen people pray over their food and I have no problem with that whatsoever, but I’ve never seen anyone ask Jesus what they should order off the menu. (As if he actually cares.  If Jesus had a really good sense of humor he would have told him liver & onions) The only other thing that was worse was seeing that he was wearing a wife beater to a restaurant.  Who does that?




  1. “Jesus Palms.” That is freakin’ hilarious.

    By the way, GO RAYS! and Go Bucs! xo

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