Posted by: lylescott89 | December 28, 2011

Adventures at the Lab & the IHOP

Hey kids,

As you know, I seem to attract the odd, the strange and the people that make you laugh.  I have three stories for you to enjoy today.

Last Wednesday I went to the doctor’s office to get blood drawn for review.  I had to fast so I got there fairly early in the morning.  I checked in and took the only open seat, which was right next to the water cooler.  I have always been fond of that “glub-glub” sound so I really did not mind.  Across from me was a man who was probably in his early to mid seventies and he was wearing a short that was substantially too small on him.  His giant belly was protruding out under the bottom button which was located well above his very hairy belly button.  After a few minutes of trying to avoid making eye contact they called his name.  He went back for a minute and then returned to the waiting room carrying a specimen cup, which was, thankfully, empty.  Now this was odd because the bathroom was not in the waiting room, but rather it was back there where all the nurses were.  He walked over to the water cooler and began drinking cup after cup after cup.  I sat there, belly in face, waiting anxiously for my name to be called.  After what I think was his sixth cup of water he said “nope, not yet” and proceeded to refill the cup.  My name was called and I ran back to the nurse as quickly as possible.

We went to the IHOP on Christmas Eve for breakfast.  We were seated promptly and the smell of pancakes thronged the air.  After we ordered I noticed a voice over my shoulder.  A guy was sitting behind me and he never stopped talking.  He sounded like Daryl from The Walking Dead and that is what I pictured in my head.   I refused to look back and see what he really looked like lest I ruin the image of Daryl.  So as far as I was concerned, Daryl was sitting behind me.  Since Daryl never stopped talking he had several fascinating things to say.

• Daryl was told his friend about several traffic violations he had incurred and how his insurance jumped to $657.00 per month.
• Daryl received a call from someone who I was guessing was a wife/girlfriend/significant other.  Daryl said he’d be home as soon as he was done drinking coffee with Larry.
• Daryl then told Larry about the oyster dressing he always makes for Christmas dinner.  He said it is a family favorite.
• Daryl stated that he has three sisters, which I could totally relate to, but then added that two of them were half sisters and he has never met them.  That I could not relate to.
• Daryl left to go get the ingredients for the oyster dressing.

After Daryl left I was relieved because we were now having the nice, quiet breakfast I had anticipated.  But then in walked Kenny.  Kenny had a lot to say, mostly about nothing.  But, Kenny was loud.
.
• I did not turn to look back and see Kenny, but at first he did not remind me of anyone in particular.  Eventually I pictured Wilford Brimley.
• Kenny loves America and is saddened by all these damn foreigners ruining Christmas.
• Kenny said he had a fight with his neighbor because he let his American flag touch the ground.  (This sounded dirty to me)
• Kenny went on and on about the proper way to treat an American flag and how it should be respected and revered and such.
• I though Kenny was going to cry.
• Kenny thought the sausages on his plate looked like dog poop.

Fortunately it was time to go and I turned and saw that Kenny looked nothing like Wilford Brimley.  He kind of looked like a guy that had been living in the woods for a year and was finally rescued.

Now I may not understand respect as much as Aretha Franklin, but I do know it’s kind of bizarre when someone gets weepy when a flag touches grass.  I mean, seriously, in the grand scheme of things how does that matter?  And it’s not as if the neighbor purposely dropped the flag on the ground and started stomping on it.  No, from the story Kenny shared the flag was being taken down and the neighbor set it on the ground so he could put his flagpole in place.  (Again, that sounds dirty)

I am looking forward to New Year’s Eve.  I am hoping that we can see some more crazies when we go to dinner.  Of course, I’ll be the lead crazy person.

Namaste

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