Posted by: lylescott89 | May 29, 2012

Once Upon a Time I Played a Game of Bible Trivia

Hey kids,

When I was in college I was briefly involved with a group known as CCC.  Now I was told that CCC stood for Campus Crusade for Christ, but after being involved with them for a short time I renamed them Campus Crusade for Communism.  Not that they were communists, but they were assholes and that was the only appropriate thing that started with a C that I could think of at the time.  However, they were the type of Christians that wanted everyone else to be Christians as well and if you were anything else they hated you.  Seemed like an odd attitude to me thus my brevity with being involved with them.  Essentially they were the Borg and wanted to assimilate everything in sight.  Thankfully resistance was difficult, but not futile.

One Sunday afternoon the leader of the commies, let’s call him Fred, invited a few of us mindless stooges to his room for a meeting.  Once we arrived I found out that he wanted to play a game of Bible Trivia.  Now I knew virtually nothing in the way of the bible at the time despite being involved with a group of Christians.  Most of them could spout off all sorts of bible verses, but that was not something I was willing to fill my brain with.  I had school and girls to think of.  I was too embarrassed to play yet too embarrassed to walk out the door and say no thanks, so I sat down to play the game.

This particular edition was essentially a rip-off of the incredibly popular Trivial Pursuit.  (I have found over the years that the makers of Christian games and music have virtually no original ideas whatsoever and instead wait for something to become popular in the secular world and then steal it in the name of Jesus)  We each had our pies and would play individually.  I begged for team play to no avail.  There were just not enough of us to play in teams according to Fred.

We rolled the dice to see who would go first and thankfully I lost.  A guy by the name of Calvin won the right to go first.  On a side note, Fred always called him Kelvin instead of Calvin.  Apparently Fred had no interest in remembering his name or was just that stupid.  When it came around to being my turn I rolled and this is the question I got:

How many days was Jonah in the belly of the whale?

I thought to myself how lucky I was to get an easy question and blurted out the following:

40 days and 40 nights!

They all looked at me like I was insane.  Fred said no and that the answer was three.  Damn!  I thought I had one.  So we continued to play and as others were getting questions that I did not know the answer to I dreaded my next turn.  Finally it was back to me.  Oddly enough this was my question:

How long did Moses and the Israelites wander in the desert?

Naturally I said “40 days and 40 nights”.

Fred said no and that it was 40 years.  Again, I was embarrassed and one of the guys looked at me with such disdain that I knew I was treading on thin ice.  Why I cared I do not know, but at the time I did.  I also knew for sure that “40 days and 40 nights” was the answer to something in the bible so eventually I would get at least one answer correct.

We continued to play and I continued to get answer after answer wrong.  As it turned out there were a lot of questions that required a numerical answer and you can pretty much guess what my answer was to each one I got.  Eventually, since I knew none of the answers at all, I started to answer sarcastically.  For example when I got this question:

What caused Jesus to marvel when he returned to his own country to preach?

I answered with:

Television

Or…

Who found fault with the disciples for eating bread with unwashed hands?

Their mothers?

All in all it was a pretty crappy afternoon and a solid waste of time.  I answered every question incorrectly and had a completely empty pie when it was all said and done.  Shortly afterwards I left CCC, but that did not stop them from bothering me any chance they could.  You see they were nothing without numbers and needed me to meet a quota.  Like the Borg itself, they were a collective and leaving was not an option.  But like Captain Picard himself I Was able to escape their evil clutches.

A little while later I learned that Fred was planning a game of invisible football on the beach during spring break because that is obviously the best way to get college kids to stop drinking and watching wet T-shirt contests and turn their lives over to Jesus.  I was so glad I escaped.

Namaste

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