Posted by: lylescott89 | May 23, 2013

Anniversary Memories

Sarlacc

Sarlacc

Hey kids,

I have spent plenty of time telling you about all the goofy things that have happened over the years.  I’ve shared my mishaps in playing softball and attempting to ski as well as when I tried to play football and ultimately got stood up for a date.  My feeble attempts to play bible trivia and getting trapped at Jesus camp have also been shared.  Those all got good laughs and I was happy to share my utter humiliation with you.  I’ve decided that I need a good name to describe my all too frequent failures and I have chosen to borrow from the Broadway musical Avenue Q and call this my “It sucks to be me” series.

I thought briefly about what I should discuss next and figured I could talk about my daily nightmare called work.  Oh sure, I could talk endlessly about how I am treated like crap while doing monotonous stuff that amounts to a huge waste of time or how I could not care less if most of my co-workers and all of my so-called superiors were to fall into the Great Pit of Carkoon and get devoured by the sarlacc, but no.  Today I want to talk about something else; my anniversary.

This coming Monday will mark 24 years of marriage for Donna and me.  It is truly a momentous occasion and we will celebrate accordingly with dinner and a movie.  (Hey, I never said we were interesting people)  But as I was thinking about year 24 I got to think back at the events of the first anniversary.

We were living in Texas at the time and for some bizarre reason Donna’s mother insisted that she come and visit us for our anniversary.  She said it was a tradition, albeit one I’ve never heard of before or since.  So in addition to having a visitor at a time when I really wanted to spend alone time with my wife reminiscing about our wedding day, I was also dealing with some flowers.  Let me explain.

The church we were attending at the time had a tradition of celebrating anniversaries on Sunday mornings.  We would go in every week and right up front for all to see there was always a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  They would list in the church bulletin that they were in honor of some couples anniversary.  Each week the flowers were prettier than the last and after the service the celebrated couple could take the flowers home, vase and all.

Donna approached me and asked if we could see about doing that as well.  I knew I’d be buying flowers for her anyway

A much better anniversary

A much better anniversary

and I saw this as sort of a way out of having to go see a florist and arrange delivery.  I told her to check into it.  She called me at work (a job I did not hate) and told me she found out that for a $25.00 donation to the church they would go and get the flowers and have them specially arranged for us.  I thought the price was a bit high, but I went along with it because it meant a lot to her.  To this day I wish I had said no and made the trip to see a florist.

We walked into church that morning with high hopes.  Donna had been telling her mother about the tradition and how beautiful the arrangements were each week.  She was so excited when we arrived and could not wait to go in and see what they had for us.  My mother-in-law (who was leaving after lunch) was equally excited and they both had big smiles.

We walked to the front door, were welcomed and went inside.  The smiles all disappeared.  Instead of a beautiful arrangement of roses that we were used to seeing we instead saw a complete disaster.  In a small vase were a bunch of wilted tulips.  Half of the tulips looked as if they were about to take their final breath before falling out of the vase that was way too small for them.  It was a disaster.  They looked as if no one had put any effort whatsoever in them and that they were just shoved in there at the last second.  All I could think was I could have gotten the same amount of pleasure if I had flushed $25.00 down the toilet.

Donna was in shock.  Her mother said, rather sarcastically, “oh, what lovely flowers”.  I know this sounds dumb but we were both sort of devastated.  I mean they were just flowers after all and if I had never seen any of the other arrangements I probably would have thought this was normal.  However I had seen the gorgeous arrangements of the past and it all just sucked.  I just sat there in church for the entire service staring at those shitty flowers and thinking about what I could have done with that money.  The associate pastor got up to speak and told everyone that the flowers were in honor were in honor of Donna and my first wedding anniversary.  There was a smattering of applause and I could barely look up because I felt so stupid.

I wish they looked this good

I wish they looked this good

After church the associate pastor handed us the flowers to take home and congratulated us.  I took them home and fought the urge to throw them in the trash.  Donna’s mother wanted a photo of Donna with the flowers so I snapped a couple and said I’d mail them to her.  When we got the photos back from the developer I looked and saw my beautiful wife standing next to these hideous flowers.  The look on her face said it all.  If you can imagine the “are you kidding me” look you know what I mean.  I never mailed the photo and I have no idea what became of it.  I think I threw it out.  Donna was now beginning to realize what she had married into.

That night we went to our traditional dinner and a movie.  We went to The Olive Garden and then over to the UA theater to see Back to the Future III.  Don’t even ask me how I remember that.  As for the flowers; they were all dead by the time we woke up on Monday morning.  I put them in a bag and threw them in the trash.  It sucks to be me.

Namaste

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Responses

  1. This makes me cry. Church or no church, I would have told them you need some better flowers for your $25.

  2. I think this is the saddest story you have every told.


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