Posted by: lylescott89 | August 22, 2013

Summer Fun & the 2013 General Assembly: Ducks, Jessica & Opening Night

030Hey kids,

I have to say that the beds in the Peabody were very comfortable.  I got a great night’s sleep.  Maybe it had more to do with the fact that I was away from that pit of hell known as work for a week, but I’ll just chalk it up to a comfy mattress.  I will also say that the little light on the floor of the bathroom was a welcome sight at 2 AM.

We had been invited up to the concierge floor to have breakfast with old friend’s Ron & Susan.  This was very nice of them.  We knew that going out for breakfast would be a pain and we knew that eating at the hotel would be incredibly pricey so we planned ahead and had several items in the room for breakfast.  That would have to be saved for another day.  We had a continental breakfast with juice, coffee, pastries and bagels.  They also had lunch meat which I thought was very strange, but since I was hungry and it was free I went ahead and had some.

After breakfast Donna needed my manly strength to help carry over a giant flagpole and a banner to the convention center.  It was hot outside and as we walked over all I could think of was the pool, but being the good husband I did not complain.  Adam tagged along and once we got it delivered we headed back across the street while Donna stayed there to do whatever it was that she needed to do.

One of the perks of staying at the Peabody is getting to see the ducks.  Adam and I decided to get in our swimsuits so we could swim with them.  No, just kidding.  You are not allowed to swim with the ducks.  (On a side note am I the only one that finds swimming with dolphins to be a stupid thing to do?  After all I don’t think dolphins were put into this world so that some fat people from Ohio can come to Florida and swim with them.  Seriously if you had a dorsal fin would you want people grabbing it all day?  Plus they have sharp teeth.  I think it is really degrading to the dolphins.  Okay, end of side note) the ducks are a Peabody tradition going way back in time to the original Peabody Hotel in Memphis.  The show begins shortly before 11 AM when the Duckmaster tells the story and then brings in the ducks.  The ducks are a family of five and they come down the elevator and then run in on the red carpet right to their fountain.  They stay all day and then at 5 PM they head back (much slower) to the Duck Palace by the tennis courts.  It’s all very cool and I highly recommend the experience.

After the ducks were done with their show Adam and I headed to the pool.  It was bright and sunny and the pool was042 delightful.  Adam made several trips down the slide and we played some silly games.  We found that it was fun to sit under the waterfall and have the falling water beat down on our heads.  Weird, but fun.  After about 90 minutes of splashy fun Donna came by and asked if we wanted to go to lunch.  We agreed to get out and go.

We got dried off and dressed and walked over to the nearby Pointe Orlando, which is a very nice place with several shops, restaurants and a movie theatre.  I wanted to dine at Hooters (I always want to dine at Hooters) but then we saw that there was a Johnny Rockets and I do love their burgers so that became our destination.   We were seated and began perusing the menu.  I ordered the #12; Cheddar cheese, iceberg lettuce, white onion, pickles, mayonnaise & signature “red red sauce®” (chili ketchup with a kick).  It was delicious.  The other thing I like about JR’s is that they give you a boatload of fries.  Our server brought fries for us while we waited for our burgers and then more fries with our burgers.  I can tell you that there were no fries left when we were done.

I also had a rather bizarre conversation with our waitress whose name was Helga.  Let me back up.  It looked like it would rain soon so Adam and I decided we’d go see a movie while Donna went back to the convention center to do whatever it was she had to do.  Donna noticed a sign on the wall that said something to the effect of “get your discounted movie tickets here”.  Since Adam wanted to see Pacific Rim, which had just opened, I wondered if the discounted tickets could be used on a new release.  As we all know when movies initially open they are listed with the “no passes” disclaimer for the first two weekends of release.  Everyone knows that.  As Adam said; “even a baby knows that”.  So before I bought the discounted tickets I decided to ask Helga whether they were selling passes or if they just had a deal with the theatre next door for special pricing.  The conversation went something like this:

046Me: Excuse me Helga what can you tell me about the movie tickets.

Helga: Oh we sell them here and you save money.

Me: Do they accept these tickets when it says “no passes”?

H: No passes?

Me: Yes.  Are you selling a ticket or are you selling a pass that I exchange at the box office?

H: It’s a movie ticket.

Me: So it’s an actual ticket for the movie I want to see?

H: You can see any movie you want, but you have to pay extra at the theatre for 3-D or IMAX.

Me: So then it’s a pass?

H: It’s a ticket.

Me: So if my movie says “no passes” I can still use it?  Yes or no?

H: If it says “no passes” it means the movie is sold out and you can’t go.

Me: No it doesn’t.

H: No passes is sold out.  No seats left.

Me: No it isn’t.

Donna: Thank you Helga.

H: Sold out is no passes.

Donna (to me): Let it go.  Just buy your tickets at the box office and let it go.

Me: She’s an idiot!

Donna: I know.  Let it go please.  (At this point I let it go)

So after lunch Adam and I headed off to the movies.  We walked in and there was virtually no one around and only an049 automated box office.  So we made our choice and bought our tickets.  It was a nice theatre with stadium seating and it was not sold out.  The sign for Pacific Rim said “no passes” but it was not sold out.  Imagine that.  Take that and shove it in your pie pan Helga.

The movie was good.  Lots of action, giant robots plus a hot girl add up to a fun way to spend a rainy afternoon.  Sometimes I confused the sound of thunder with the sounds of the movie, but ultimately I figured it all out.  After it was over we headed back to the Peabody.  It was only sprinkling.

We decided to check in on the ducks and found them swimming and eating while the Duckmaster looked on.  I have no idea what the job of Duckmaster pays, but it seemed to be a decidedly enjoyable job.  Since there was still lightning in the area a return trip to the pool was not possible, so we figured we’d hang out with the ducks for a while and then chill out in the room.  However, as we were leaving the duck room I saw a beautiful girl that looked incredibly familiar.  I looked at her for a few seconds until I finally asked “Jessica?”  She looked up and said “yes” and then said “oh my gosh, Lyle?  Adam?  How are you?”  Jessica and her sister Rachel used to be cheerleaders for the Tampa Bay Storm and I had gotten used to seeing and photographing them before, during and after every game.  I always referred to Jessica and Rachel as the world’s most beautiful sisters.  (No offense to anyone that happens to be my sister, but it would be weird to include relatives in that category)  She asked us what we were doing there and I told her.  Since Jessica is Jewish it was a pretty safe bet that she was not there for a Disciples of Christ Assembly so I asked why she was there.  She said she was accompanying her boyfriend (henceforth known as the lucky bastard) as he was attending a conference of some sort.  I thought she said it was a yellow card conference, but I could have been mistaken because frankly that makes no sense.  I also thought it was pretty cool that she remembered us.

DSCF0495A little while later I received a text from Donna saying that she was still busy at the convention center and would just grab dinner over there.  That left Adam and I to dine solo which meant it was time for Hooters.  We walked back over to Pointe Orlando and went to Hooters.  As always we were served by a lovely Hooters Girl and we took several photos before we finished up.  I tried a different sauce on my wings that I had not had before and that they do not have at my local Hooters and I have to say it was not my favorite.  However, I drenched my wings in ranch dressing and that helped a lot.  I have found many foods taste better when drenched in ranch dressing.  Why you ask?  Because ranch dressing is delicious.

We headed over to the convention center for the first night of the Assembly.  It started out with a dreadful dance routine.  Earlier in the day I was told that one of the dancers did not show up and as a joke I volunteered to take his/her place.  That was met with laughter, but after seeing the girl that did take that person’s place I can guarantee you I would have done a better job.  The hippos in Fantasia were more graceful.  Heck, a real hippo would have been more graceful.

After that the evening picked up substantially.  The speaker was a guy from Kansas City that had the unfortunate curse of resembling the world’s worst governor and chief pile of shit; Rick Scott.  However I moved pass that and tried not to look at him and just listen to what he said.  I don’t recall much of what he said, but I do remember thinking he was quite good and had a decent message.

I was also on communion duty (heh, heh, heh.  I said duty) that night and had to serve.  I was sent to my area and did my job.  Near the back of the section I was serving was this blond that was unbelievably hot.  She was wearing a low cut t-shirt053 so just the tops of her boobies were exposed (also known as “not enough”) and she had these sexy legs that were the epitome of sexy legs.  Did I mention the incredibly tight shorts?  I could have served her row all night.   I never saw her again after that evening, but the mental photo still exists.

After the service came to a close Adam and I headed back to the hotel for some pool time.  The rain was gone and so was the lightning so naturally a good hour of swimming was ahead of us.  Unfortunately the rain had made the pool water quite chilly, but we forced ourselves in and got used to it and had a grand time.  By the time we got to bed we were exhausted.  Sleep was welcomed.

Sunday would be Donna’s birthday so you’ll want to tune in again to read all about it.




  1. Do you have any idea what your wife does?

    • I have an inkling. Why?

      • Because of you saying that Donna would be doing whatever she needed to do and not elaborating on said task.

      • Oh. I know what she was doing, but it’s too boring to write about. Besides, this is about my day.

      • Okay, you may have your day.

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