Posted by: lylescott89 | December 21, 2016

Yes Virginia, There is a Krampus

Hey kids,

Before you ask I will tell you that Bacon Wednesday was, as usual, an overwhelming success.  Just keep using the hash brown #baconwednesday and we will get that to trend.

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Recently I did a photo session with a lovely young woman and her Yorkie, Zoey.  Now anyone that knows me knows I have a weak spot in my heart for dogs, particularly Yorkies. I absolutely love them.  I had my own baby for a while and his name was Buddy.  Buddy lived with us from 1993 – 2007 and I still miss him.  I still have dreams about him and sometimes I will wake up during the night and think that he is there.  One of these days I will bring myself to getting another Yorkie, but there will always be only one Buddy.  All that said, I have to tell you that Zoey looked remarkably like Buddy.

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On the last day of school this year Adam was telling me about how they were discussing animal testing in science.  The teacher set up a debate and divided up the students to debate each side of the issue.  Adam was, thankfully, on the side of being against animal testing.  He told me his arguments and said he thought he did really well defending his point of view.  He then asked me for my opinion on animal testing.  I said “That’s a good question.  We gave Buddy and algebra test once and he did not do very well so based on that I will have to say that I am against animal testing”.  Adam looked at me, shook his head and then asked his mother “why do we keep putting up with him?”

gruss_vom_krampusRecently we watched one of our favorite new shows of the fall TV season, American Housewife, and the lead character Katie was being referred to as a Krampus.  Adam and Donna just looked at me because they know that Katie and I have a lot in common and I am indeed the Krampus in our house.  For those of you unfamiliar with the Krampus I will give you this definition from Wikipedia: Krampus is a horned, anthropomorphic (for those of you who voted for Drumpf that means to give human traits and emotions to non-human entities; which pretty much describes Drumpf himself) folklore figure described as “half-goat, half-demon”, who, during the Christmas season, punishes children who have misbehaved, in contrast with Saint Nicholas, who rewards the well-behaved with gifts.  Now I am not the type that fails to give gifts to my family, however with each passing year the holiday season becomes more taxing and a lot less fun.  The joy of a childhood Christmas is long gone for me and most of the time I just bitch about things. Yes, I do find that a little sad, but so many things just piss me off this time of year that I could completely identify with Katie on the show.  In fact Donna and Adam easily recognized the way Katie was acting and often gave me “the stare” as we laughed at the fine program.

Take for example something called the elf on a shelf.  I have no idea where this thing came from or how it got popular, however I find it incredibly disturbing in the same way that I find Drumpf appointing white supremacists to help him lead this country into the toilet.  Yes the elf itself is creepy looking and it allegedly watches everything that you do which is downright creepy.  It is essentially a puppet and we all know that I despise puppets.  They scare the crap out of me because they are sinister, threatening and  baleful.  I suppose that is why I hate Drumpf so much since he is Putin’s puppet.  I hate puppets.  For the record I love Muppets as they are not the same thing.  Ventriloquist dummies?  Satan’s play toys.

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What else do I hate about this season?  Black Friday and all the commercialism of the holiday.  I find it depressing.  This whole idea of rushing out to buy gifts that will be forgotten or returned in a matter of days is ridiculous.  How about just loving each other and treating one another with dignity and respect?  Okay I realize that leaves out the millions of idiots that voted fr Drumpf, but that still leaves a lot of us and an overwhelming majority to do what is good and right.  As the great Elvis Costello once sang. “what’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding?”

And then there are the commercials.  I hate them, I hate them all.  (Ha! I said the same thing about Drumpf supporters) There is one particular series of commercials I depsise and it is for GMC.  Now I know you know that I know nothing about cars and can’t tell the difference between a Ford Mustang and a Chevy Mustang so before you ask I will tell you that I did indeed have to use Google to find out what  car company these ads were for and it is GMC.   So these ads feature some nut that just came home from Christmas shopping. They are all disheveled and scruffy when their neighbor comes over to seemingly say hello. But no, the neighbor comes over to tell them that instead of buying gifts for their family and friends they have selfishly purchased a GMC car for themselves and therefore make the person that went shopping feel like shit.  This is stupid on so many levels.  Maybe the neighbor did not need or want a new car.  Maybe the neighbor preferred to spend their money on people they love instead of on themselves.  Maybe you are just a fricking asshole of a neighbor.  Whatever happened to Santa on a razor?  I loved that commercial.  OMG look what came up when I did a Google Image search for “Norelco Santa”

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I hate beer, but I must say this is better than Santa on  a razor.

Next thing is the holiday letter.  Sometimes it comes in a card and that is bad enough, but when it comes alone that is just rude.  I hate the holiday letter.  I have no interest in catching up on the comings and goings of your family in t he past year.  If I wanted to know I would have called you and asked.  But I have my own family to deal with and I am intrinsically more interested in them than I am of you and I know you feel the same way. Whenever I get a holiday letter I throw it right in the recycling bin.  Perhaps the sanitation department people enjoy them.

The next thing should piss of everyone and that is the alleged “war on Christmas”.  It doesn’t exist people.  I have no idea why Christians seem to think they are being persecuted by someone saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.  Someone is being nice to you.  Just say “thank you, same to you” and move on.  It’s really that easy. Christmas is everywhere in this country and you cannot say the same thing about any other religious holiday.  Oh yeah, deep down Christmas is supposed to be a religious holiday remember?  You are celebrating the birth of a dark skinned, liberal, Jewish, Socialist Savior.  His name was Jesus.  Remember him?  Let me give you evangelicals who aligned yourself with a xenophobic, racist misogynist a reminder from Matthew 25:

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31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Ugly sweaters.  Why?  How the hell is this a thing?  And Egg nog.  Yuck!  Who the hell thought of that?

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I had the experience a few weeks ago of taking a Saturday morning and spending it at a food giveaway for the needy.  It was a chilly morning and it was probably the best way I could have found to celebrate the holiday season.  Whether these people were immigrants or not I did not know nor did I care.  Some could not speak English and that was fine. These people all had one thing in common; they were human and they needed help.  Maybe it sounds corny to you, but to me giving up three plus hours on a Saturday morning to help out people that were in need of assistance was more rewarding than any gift I will receive this year.  If we are to be honest this is exactly what the holiday season is all about.  Whether these people celebrated Christmas, Kwanzaa or Hanukkah they were all the same.  Whether they were here legally or not meant nothing to me.  If only we could all help out our neighbors this way.  Maybe I am not the Krampus after all.

trumpusFinally today I will tell you that I have decided I will not recognize Drumpf as my president and as part of my protest I am going to do more good things for people in need and those that are persecuted by this administration.  That is my way of standing up to his fascist ways.  That is my way of saying I am not going to take it anymore.  That is my way of peaceful protest. Kindness will be my mantra.  Of and I am not standing for the national anthem after January 20th.  Until my country can respect all of its people I will not respect it.  Sorry, not sorry.

Namaste

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