Posted by: lylescott89 | September 12, 2018

Sir Griffin Looks at the Fall TV Schedule: ABC

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Hey kids,

Before we begin I have to make note of something.  Several readers mentioned to me that neither I nor Sir Griffin made any commentary yesterday on the 9/11 anniversary.  This was intentional on my part.  While I understand the whole concept of never forget and such, it simply is one of the things I do not want to remember, but I will obviously never forget.  I do not want to see videos of the day ever again.  I do not want to read stories of victims or survivors ever again.  I don’t want to hear the last words of people before they were murdered ever again.  That is not what I want.  It is extremely important to remember that we all grieve in different ways and what is best for you, may not work for me.  I stayed away from social media yesterday.  I avoided live TV for the most part yesterday.  If it were possible to have certain memories removed from my brain, like in that horribly boring Jim Carrey movie, I would do it.  Again, we all grieve differently and I hope that you can respect that.

So imagine my surprise this morning when in my inbox was an item from an old friend of Sir Griffin, Trevor Noah.  I watched in horror as the story progressed about the big orange wanker with tiny hands and shit for brains seemingly celebrating 7/11 9/11 and how great he thinks he is.  Please watch and if anyone can explain to me how it is humanly possible to support this shitbag…well, you can’t.  He’s completely indefensible and you are (and I do not say this lightly as I have said it a thousand times) a fucking idiot if you do support this monster.  Please watch

Thank you for watching and if you support that wanker, well, may god have mercy on your soul.  And now, Sir Griffin Stromboli, watching his language, on the shows of ABC.

(Applause)

Thank you Steve and thank you Trevor.  I met Trevor many years ago in South Africa and I have to say that he is as nice in person as he is on the telly.  So, what is happening over at ABC?  Well, not much that is really positive I will tell you that.

First of all, I am not going to review The Conners.  While technically it is considered a spin off of Roseanne, it really is not a new show.  All they have done is gotten rid of the vile, disgusting pig known as Roseanne by killing her off and are now following the family without her.  Does anyone remember a show on NBC years ago called Valerie?  It first aired in 1986 and starred the wonderful Valerie Harper and after two seasons as the star of the show, she was fired after a contract dispute.  They killed off her character in a car accident, replaced her with Sandy Duncan, retitled the show as “Valerie’s Family”, later retitled it as “The Hogan Family” and still later retitled it as “Oh my gosh who the fuck is watching this shitty show”.

Um, Sir Griffin?  Please?

Sigh.  Sorry Marv.  It was a mess, but it was still the same damn show.  The Conners is still the same damn show, but without a racist in the lead role.  I didn’t watch it then and I am not going to watch it now.  So there!

Nor am I going to review The Alec Baldwin Show because it actually premiered this past March as Sundays with Alec Baldwin and because it’s just a talk show.  I do not want to watch talk shows and I do not respect the fact that they are in prime time.  So despite the fact that Alec is a fine actor, I just don’t care.  I am not going to watch it and that’s all you need to know.   If you want to watch it, more power to you.  So are there any real shows?  Yes indeedy!  Do they all suck?  No, but most of them do.

thekidsarealright

The Kids are Alright – No, this is not a TV version of the movie about The Who.  That might have been interesting.  Probably not, but it certainly would have been preferable to this.  Kids stars the marvelous Mary McCormack, completely wasted here in the role of Peggy Cleary, the matriarch of an Irish Catholic family in LA circa 1973.  She has eight children, all boys, so cue the macho, tough guy, Vietnam era laughter now.  Her husband is played by Michael Cudlitz, better known as Abraham on The Walking Dead, but with his head still intact.  Doubtful he will utter the line “suck my nuts” on this show, but if he did maybe some laughter would occur.  I watched the preview and all I could think of was that it was kind of like Malcolm in the Middle, but with more kids and substantially less funny.  Chances of me watching?  About the same as me surviving a zombie apocalypse.  (Premieres October 16th)

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Single Parents –  Another painfully unfunny preview led me to give the thumbs down on this mess.  The stars of the show are supposed to be Taran Killam and Leighton Meester, but the whole thing seems to be dominated by Brad Garrett and not just because he is eight feet tall.  Essentially this is a comedy about a group of…wat for it…Single Parents!  Killam plays Will, a man who has lost all sight of anything other than his own child and his duties (Tee hee, I said doody) to the PTA.

Ahem!  

Sorry.  Anyway, they try to get him to date and be more manly and have less princess parties and yada, yada, fucking, yada.  (Stop it!) Snore!  I actually like the cast of this show, especially Meester.  It may surprise me, but I doubt it.  Odds of me watching?  About 10% just because Leighton Meester is pretty and she’s from Fort Worth.  (Premieres September 26th)

therookie

The Rookie –  This new police drama stars Nathan Fillion.  I really should not have to say one more thing because just saying Nathan Fillion should make any human automatically tune in.  I love Nathan Fillion.  I would have Nathan Fillion’s baby if it were physically possible.  Actually, over in the UK we are actually working on a process in which any man can conceive and deliver Nathan Fillion’s baby.   It has almost been perfected.  Unfortunately, this was the first attempt:

uglybaby

They’re working on it.  I promise, it will get better.  Nonetheless, Nathan Fillion stars as a 40 year old guy who moves to LA to follow his dreams of becoming a police officer.  Apparently he’s gone through a divorce or something like that and he needs a new and exciting vacation.  Naturally, he is ridiculed, but he perseveres and becomes SuperCop!  No, he becomes  a good officer that works hard and gets tired easily and likely needs to stop to go to the loo quite often.  I watched Castle all the way to the bitter end even though the show was completely out of ideas by the final season.  I’ll be watching this as long as Nathan Fillion wants me to watch.  Chances of me watching?  I love Nathan Fillion!  (Premieres October 16th)

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Dancing with the Stars: Juniors –  No. NO!  Just no.  No fucking way.  No.  No, no, no!  NO!  I will not review it in a house, I will not watch it in a house, I will not talk about it anymore.  I hope that the people that watch this shit have to clean a floor.  I am horrible at rhymes.  Chance of me watching?  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  (Premieres October 7th)

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A Million Little Things – The story of a group of friends whose lives are intertwined when a giant ball of twine wraps them all together.  No, that would be more interesting.  These friends are all happy and carefree and living life like a bunch of drunken Arsenal fans (British humor) when one of them suddenly dies.  Which one?  I think it’s the third from the left which makes me wonder why this guy (Ron Livingston) is in the cast still, but I suppose we will see him in flashbacks.  Livingston plays Jon Dixon, a successful businessman who commits suicide and then we have to listen to the survivor whine about how they miss him or what they could have done differently or whatever.  I suppose his suicide is the impetus for them to start living better lives, but seriously, why couldn’t they have done that before the guy killed himself and maybe he would still be on the show.  Look, suicide is a horrible thing and I am not making light of it.  13 Reasons Why is on Netflix and it is a fucking brilliant show.  (SIR GRIFFIN!) It has taken heat for glorifying suicide and that, I simply did not see as watched the two seasons.  That show seems to treat it much more seriously than this show does, at least from the trailers and previews I have seen.  A Million Little Things seems a little overly dramatic and almost melodramatic.  It also seems depressing as fuckbeans.  (I don’t know whether to scold you or ask you what that is, so I am just going to ignore it) In any case, I don’t want to watch it.  Chances of me watching?  About the same as Billie Joe McAllister not jumping off the Tallahatchie Bridge.  (Premieres September 26th)

So there you have it kids, ABC in a nutshell.  (Help me, I am ABC and I am trapped in a nutshell)

Namaste

 

 

 

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